Surrender Early...

SURRENDER EARLY means:
* Asking the Spirit of God to alert us when we are about to enter dangerous and untrue thinking. He will answer this prayer and provide a way of escape from the trap.
* Turning the problem over to God, surrendering, to the One who is able to handle all our concerns with wisdom and love.
* Choosing to trust and not to fear.
* Experiencing peace in knowing that God will give the wisdom you need to handle whatever comes your way.

This came in a pray letter from a dear friend, Helen Ebert, today, just when I needed it. Helen's wonderful husband Larry, was killed in a car accident while they were in Africa, about nine years ago. I remember it because it was so close to my sister's Lin's untimely death. Why, God? Why these two amazing, Spirit filled people, called home to you, so young, so much for them to do for You? Helen has gone on to raise three boys to wonderful young men, she has a ministry both here and in Africa. The first baby was born at the Larry Ebert Clinic in West Africa in May; she was named Helen ( my mom's name, too).

So what does Surrender Early mean to me right now? I only wish I was eloquent enough to write the words to describe the pain I am in. I miss Laurie with every fiber of my being; I am determined to be there for Katie, and with that, for Tommy and the kids. I am too aware of tension in the family as we tiptoe around what we face in the coming months. Pete and I just had a tough talk about how we need to communicate with each other and with the rest of the family. We are surrendering it to Him; I am choosing to trust and not to fear.

If all this was light and fluffy, it would not be real. Losing a marriage, a sister, a mom and dad and a daughter, that's a lot of pain, but I surrender it and am going to trust. God, I trust you.

Skype....yipe

The mom/grandma in me is very content right now. Pete and I have just returned from taking Denver, Maya and Isaiah to a local pizza restaurant while Katie and Tommy are on a date night to the Cubs game. (Cubs vs. Milwaukee) We did a quick run into Wal Mart and bought the DVD Antz. Pajama'd and teeth brushed we were just about ready to settle in for Fee-Ter Night (read Theater Night) when I heard a new sound coming from our computer...

A call from Skype! Skype, which I had never heard of before last week, is the wonderful FREE program that we are now hooked up to and can talk to the Malaysian Boncimino's. I found the right button to push to answer and there is Ashley! "Hi, Grandma" even clearer than on the phone! Sweet. While we adjusted mics, and then talked over each other, we all caught up on what everyone has been up to. Tomorrow (or today in Kuala Lumpur) G and C and B and A are going to the Petronas Towers (2nd tallest buildings in the world) and Greg waited an hour and a half to get the tickets, oops, wait that's his story. All in all, it was so great just to hear their voices. Next step is to figure out how to hook up all our cameras so we can see each other.

And for the wind up, Chris called on Skype and we chatted for twenty minutes, while multi-tasking. He sent me a beautiful photo of Hayden and Christa from Arlington Race Track and downloaded a song to me written and sung by a good friend of Laurie's, about her. That I will save for later tonight.

Right in this moment I can feel God's arms around me. There is so much tension, things I could fret about alot but there is a peace, too. Tomorrow I am finally going to the doctor's to try to discover what is going with some ongoing pain in my right arm and leg...I know I am not at my best for anyone with this nagging pain. Did I say how going to the doctor's is the least favorite thing of mine to do? But I am secure in the knowledge that whatever this turns out to be, God is with me in it. I am reminded of what I heard Don Cole, radio pastor of WMBI, say last night to a woman faced with many hard things in her life. Don said, " Have hope in the character of God. He will surprise you." I know that.

Jackie, Eve, Drew, Mark, Aimee, Anna and me still looking pretty good after 4 miles. Thanks, Paul, for taking the picture. Missing you, Kristin, Aimee P and Shelly. 

The Joys(?????) of Saturday

Seeing pictures of Greg and Cheryl and the girls in Malaysia...thrilling and melancholy at the same time. I showered and met our wonderful Overnight team, Laurie's Legacy, at Busse Woods for a team training walk this morning. The joy here, Jackie Reitsma, in all the way from Colorado for a wedding, could be with us. Eve's Paul joined us, too, for the four mile jaunt. Seven weeks away and I know we can all do the walk, it is the fund raising that needs prayer. (I sent another email out tonight. Go to the overnight. If you could consider contributing to anyone on the team but me. I have reached the $1000 commitment needed. I am so thankful!)

When I got back home, Katie called pretty distressed. I am off to Berwyn, praying the whole way for wisdom, peace and strength. This long road back for Katie and Tommy needs to be covered in prayer. Finding the right meds, the right counselors, assuring the kids that things are okay...letting Jesus take the wheel is all I can think of. Lean on Him, and not our own understanding.

After a late afternoon $2 movie with the Michel kids and Katie to see Ice Age 2, the Meltdown, I feel melted down. Pete, too, has had a rougher than normal day, with some snafus at two events, just the stuff he doesn't need. But he still says he has the greatest job in the world. Where else can you get away with wearing a vibrant Hawaiian shirt, shorts and red converse shoes?

And right now, all is pretty quiet. A new day to look forward to tomorrow, to find some new joy...

On their way...

I spent yesterday sending a few last text messages to Greg between appointments and then counting down...they should be taking off now, they have been flying for three hours now, they have been flying for six hours now...And then I went to bed.

And now this morning the Texas Bonciminos are still flying and they are no longer the Texas Boncimino's. They are the now the Mayalasian Boncimino's. How strange is that? I am acknowledging at least mentally, that this is a great opportunity for them. In my heart I know I will miss having them on this continent. What I know is that I am very grateful for the wonders of technolgy. I can hardly wait for the first blog from each of them. I love you, Greg, Cheryl, Ashley and Brooke...

Could this have been only six weeks ago? 

Four out of five folks now on their way to Kuala Lumpur! 

Houston Thanksgiving Parade. We take to the streets! 

The clan together in Houston last Thanksgiving...Everyone of them amazing! 

"Everything is Spiritual"

This is a change of pace for this blog. Rob Bell is a gifted speaker I have heard several times at Willow. On June 30th he begins a speaking tour across the country starting in Chicago. The title of the tour is "Everything is Spiritual" and the tickets are $10 snd are sold out for this venue. A friend called me the other day and said she originally bought 20 tickets and now has 10 available if I know anyone who might be interested. Pete and I are hoping to go but thought I would mention here if you might want to attend. Email me at bakpak2@comcast.net and I will give you the details.

The cool thing is all proceeds from this tour go to an organization called Wateraid, a unique organization providing clean drinking water to third world countries. If I knew how to create a link without asking Drew, I would. In the meantime here is the website: http://www.wateraid.org/international )

Father's Day 2006 had its' share of good things: Saw Chris at church, talked to Greg and got to tell both these guys what great dads they are. Sat between Pete and Steve H. as they stood to be honored at Dadfest at Willow.
Not so good things: Tommy could not be with his family at church because of his work schedule. Really weird things: At brunch with family members, having to take Pete's mom to the restroom because she was having another "food episode". Pretty much a repeat of spending Christmas Eve in the emergency room with her, without having to actually go to the hospital!

Sad things: Missing my dad; missing Laurie at a wedding Saturday night she should have been at; thinking about dear friend Debbi going through her first Father's Day without her sweet husband and dad of their 10 kids...

Just enough...

I had just finished what seemed a pretty good blog entry and then I totally lost it. It went somewhere, it is whirling out in space some place. I am going to take that as God wanting me to rewrite my thoughts.

Right this very minute I am enjoying an evening away on business, in a nice hotel room with my trusty laptop, no pressing details, just a chance to reflect. Driving to Beloit WI gave me time to think. Stopping at one of my company’s principals ( A company I rep for and sell their products.) I met two of my old friends. One has had her share of hard times with a son. We quickly shared and then promised to keep praying for each other. God, lift Jo up, okay?

What has continued to press into my brain is that God provides just enough. Over the last six months I have been quiet about details about Katie because it is her story.
What has been so amazing to me is that God has continued to give us just enough hope to get us through each day. Just enough hope…And here we are.

Last night Katie, Tommy, Pete and I had dinner together. We determined that we had not done this since the first night we met Tommy. (Thank you, Lisa, for being such a wonderful last minute babysitter. Just enough.) We got together to calibrate, celebrate and commit to whatever God has ahead for us. I have enough hope to know that God continues to provide just enough to get through the next day, the next week, the next month.

The very fact that Katie has moved back home is stunning. The way Tommy has shown that he is a man after God’s heart is testimony to God’s faithfulness. Seeing Denver, Maya and Isaiah responding to all this is almost more than I can grasp. God, thank you, that You never fail. You are not just enough. God. You are more than enough. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

The Michels...Wed. June 7th 

The girls...Saturday morning, June 10th 

Ouch, that still hurts...

I needed a few days to absorb how I felt going through Laurie's birthday and now I have a great analogy. I went to the dentist Friday for a regular checkup and cleaning. All was well. This morning I woke up with a toothache and it has not subsided. It is one of those toothaches where when it is not actually hurting, you run your tongue over the sore spot to see if it's still there. And OUCH! Yes, it's still there, it still hurts. That is how it was going down to the lake Wednesday with Katie. I felt okay as I packed up some flowers, some sidewalk chalk, a baseball hat of Laurie's. But, ouch, the pain is still there.

It started with us pulling into the parking lot and seeing a Chicago Fire Department Dive team truck there near the water's edge. Divers training for... ughhhhh.

And then the four teenage boys throwing a football around up high near the Planetarium. Doesn't the football go flying into the lake and one of the boys says he's going to swim out and get it and he does. Katie and I cringe as he goes into the water; he retrieves the football and swims back to the newly painted ladder and bright yellow rails. Okay, okay, take a breathe. We do and the moment passes. So yeah, the pain is still there maybe slightly duller. Sometimes it seems I just cannot keep from running my tongue on that sore spot.

The other side, the next Season of the Soul, is still seeing the joy in life. The non-blogging kids, Chris and Christa and Kristin are off on a short camping adventure this week. Greg and Cheryl and girls are counting down the days before they leave the USA. I got together for breakfast Saturday with my small group girls at IHOP and loved it. Pete and I had a date night Friday and saw "Failure to Launch" and laughed out loud. Had dinner with good friends Saturday night with Katie and the kids and saw Katie thanking them for their help with her kids and for trying to understand what has been going on with her. And other news with Katie, well, I guess I will just post a picture...

Remembering... 

La 

Thanks, Laurie. Happy Birthday, sweet girl...

Today Laurie would have been 22 years old. I would be putting up the giant cardboard "Happy Birthday" sign, singing to Laurie and just having fun with her. Instead, today, Katie and I are going down to the lake.

Back on April 21st, I blogged about the tape we found of Laurie practicing her piano playing and singing worship songs. So instead of giving her presents, this year we get a little present from Laurie. My favorite is "Jesus, Draw Me Close".

I Love You, Lord

Instrumentals

Jesus, Draw Me Close

Lord, I Give You My Heart

Open the Eyes of My Heart

Thanks, Drew. Thanks, Laurie, for this gift...I love you. Mom

To download...

PC users: Right-click and select "save target as."
Mac users: Control-click and "save link as."

Let's walk... 

The Overnight

It is time for me to get serious about the Overnight...our 20 mile walk through the night on Aug. 12th to raise funds for suicide prevention and educational programs. Friday night wonderful daughter Kristin, with some help from friends, threw a fabulous engagement party for her former roommate Liz and her fiancee Nathan. At the party I met up with one of the girls from our team last year, Kylie. As we chatted, Kylie told me she is walking again this year but this time not only in memory of Laurie and Jariel but in memory of the dad of a two year old from the daycare she works at. Suicide is still so out there...

Today we had our first team practice walk. I set up 2:00 PM as our time to get started but found myself running late getting the grandkids packed up from their weekend here. As we got stuck in Schuamburg High School graduation traffic and I am about ready to blow a gasket, birthday boy Denver pipes up from the backseat, " Grandma. look a baby cardinal!" Sure enough, a cardinal is perched on a fence and I verbalize to the three little ones in the back seat what the cardinal reminds me of, that God is with us. I have to smile and stop seething.

And the walk, 4.2 miles today with only a small rub on my foot. Aimee and Mark Novelli, parents of twin boys are on the team, and walked today with Drew and me. It was good to talk, to remember, just good. So dear friends, Laurie's Legacy, needs to pour it on. Our goal is $6700 in honor of Laurie's birthday, this week, June 7th. She would have been 22 years old. I miss that cheerful goofball. I miss everything about her; I pray that others would never reach the point she did. Would you consider going to our team page and picking any of the other team members and contribute any amount? I have reached my individual goal and I am grateful. Each person on the team commits to raising $1000. You can check us out at our team page, Laurie's Legacy .