I'm walking, I'm walking, I'm breathing...

Slumberfest 2007. Breakfast at the tree house.

Feasting...on love of family.

Slumberfest breakfast. Yum!

To breath again...

Saturday morning, I am still in my pj's and proud of it. Today, May 30th, 2009, would have been my mom's 80th birthday. It has been almost five years since she's been gone and I still miss her. I can imagine her smiling at all the "shenanigans" I find myself a part of...swinging on my back yard swing with Denver spinning me and little Kylie til we laugh and get dizzy. And then putting ice on Maya's tetter totter wound. (It is amazing to us that this is the first real wound on the seesaw of death.) I honestly do not remember my mom ever volunteering to take all my kids overnight ever. I know she was happy to see us when we came over, and she let the kids do pretty much whatever while there, but ask to keep them overnight, nope. Hmmm, I have veered far from that philosophy. Most weekends at least three to five grandkids are here along with Katie and it's a bit of a three ring circus. I like it that way!

And to breath again...The past six months, to the day, have been a time of mentally holding my breath. Thursday was a day covered in prayer by many, many friends and those prayers were answered in a great way! I literally feel a load off my brain. I am getting oxygen again! What a terrific feeling. The summer does not loom in a scary way anymore. We can make plans. Hooray for that.

So now I can eagerly anticipate the arrival of Greg and Cheryl and Brooke from Malaysia next week. I can look forward to the upcoming bridal showers and graduation party, Slumberfest 2009, the AFSP BBQ throwdown next Sunday, Day at the Races to benefit the Cradle, a cherished place for our family. I can plant my tomato plants and basil and cilantro and know I will be able to tend to each with a light heart. I will walk 20 miles in the AFSP Overnight on June 27th and think about Laurie and be grateful that there have been no more losses to suicide in this family. I am breathing. We all are breathing! Sweet.

PS I have been able to pass my goal of $1000 for the Overnight. My wonderful walking partner, Aimee, still needs to reach that goal or she will have to come up with the remainder herself. Please consider going to her page and making any size donation.
http://www.theovernight.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=extranet.personalpage&confirmid=10013820

Proud mom and dad with the sweetest son, Greg.

Mother's Day 2009

Today I officially have been a mother for 40 years. Greg is forty today. I still remember the pregnancy, the labor, delivery of a beautiful little red haired baby boy. Because he was born just before Mother's Day that year, the nurse brought him to me wrapped in the little striped blanket (the one that you still see today.) with a red rose with a baby blue ribbon tied to it, laying across his swaddled little self. Instant love! The most incredible wash of emotion came over me. This is MY baby; I had a baby! I am a mom!

What a ride as a mom. Being a mom, I still think is the most wonderful job/blessing in the world. My journey is not at all what I thought it would be that May 9th, 1969. The twists and turns, the exreme joys, the extreme sorrows, have continued to shape me. I can not change the past but I can choose to go forward with God's patient guidance and embrace the future.

Please click on Greg's blog and read his wonderful timeline of his life thus far. It made me cry, tears of wonder. This is MY baby; I had a baby! I am a mom!

To my kids, forgive me for all the mistakes I have made. To the rest of my family, I thank you for your love. To Pete, thank you for sticking with me on this journey. 20 years, Wow! To God, thank you from my heart.

Happy Mother's Day. May you be as blessed as I have been.