The Journey, the hope...

Last blog was written as Pete and I were beginning a new phase of our marriage, thankfully, a great phase. We were able to take a getaway, get-reacquainted vacation to FL where we stayed with wonderful friends who nurtured us. We revisited Disney World where we had gone on our honeymoon. How appropriate was that! And then we returned to IL to start the countdown to Kristin's wedding.

I can not pretend there were not hard times in the planning and executing many details, wishing, knowing that Laurie should have been here. She would have been such a vital part. Kristin did something very wonderful...she named Laurie her Maid of Honor, in memorium. She put a wonderful tribute in their wedding knot website, included Laurie on the wedding program. During the actual ceremony, I was fine. It was the picture taking and the party after that led to occasional pangs of missing Laur. The one thing I had determined in my mind early on was that being wistful or meloncholy about Laurie was not going to happen to dampen anyone else's spirit. The plans, the day, were about Kristin, beautiful Kristin and of course, her new husband, Sean. I think that was accomplished.

Kristin asked me in the early planning stages if I could be responsible for doing the flowers, red roses, for the entire wedding. I love this kind of stuff and could not have been happier, securing vases, feathers, ribbons, wire, helpers to pull everything off. Dear wonderful friends and family made themselves available to prepare 400 roses that arrived from Ecuador on Wednesday, Feb. 17th. Thursday night 37 table centerpieces and 12 bouquets were created and by Karen, Karen and Lisa while we were at the rehearsal. How awesome to come back home and see all they had done in love for us. And 7:45 AM the morning of the wedding, wonderful Karen P. showed up to learn how to make 13 boutonieres, complete with special black and white pin feather, fancy coordinated ribbon and green floral tissue. Maya, the cherubic flower girl was right there helping too. I saved making Kristin's bouquet for me to do...

A small sterling silver flip flop charm, a little rhinestone "L" on a silver heart charm and a silver fleur de Lis charm were wired into the bouquet with out really being visible, just there...probably 25 to 30 roses created the bouquet Kristin said was exactly right. All aspects of the wedding, to me at least, seemed perfect. Kristin could not have been any more beautiful, Pete could not have been any prouder as FOB, father of the bride. Many, many wonderful memories were created...just missing Laurie the only missing piece.

And today, wedding let down has settled in and Pete patiently listened as I tried to express where I was. I think even in those moments Pete began praying for me. It was as I drove today, God showed up to soothe me. The random order of the songs on my CD player in the car spoke to me. Never Give Up by David Crowder was first, Rascal Flats' Beautiful Song, started the tears, only for me to spy the car behind me, a black Jeep. Every song had meaning and again God went out of His way to arrange black Jeep, after black Jeep at just the right moment. I have to smile when this happens. It is NOT random, it is specific to me and God knows it. I love that about God. He shares my sadness and then brings to my mind the reason I am so lucky to have had Laurie for 20 years. To not have had her would have been so much worse, to have missed that bright, shining smile; to not have had a tape filled with her singing worship songs, to not have had beautiful memories...