Four and a half years...

Though I don't blog much anymore, I still see this as my place to process my emotions and the grief journey. I still participate as a child loss small group leader at Grief Support at Willow Creek. However, we have been off for the summer and I am feeling the need to get back.

Through this summer, I attended the wake of a young girl who died by suicide, I participated in the Overnight walk, fundraiser for suicide prevention and heard of several other suicides. I still shake myself once in a while and have to tell myself, yes, Laurie really died. She really took her own life. As we took part in weddings this summer, I often thought Laurie should be here, where is she? Isn't that crazy that after four and a half years (exactly on Sept 2nd.) I still cannot believe it sometimes that I don't have that funny, beautiful girl here with me?

Today as I drove, I welled up thinking of her, missing her. Does a mom ever get over the loss of a child? I don't think so. Sure, the sharp gnawing pain subsides. It's when I see photos of her friends on Facebook and scan those faces, she's not smiling back. When Katie's two year old twins see pictures of Aunt Munch, but have no clue, I sigh.

My hope comes from my faith. That sure knowledge that she is safe and smiling in that realm we somehow conject is heaven. She's there...I'm at peace with that.