Weight...

Today my new scale showed me five different weights! What is that all about? I get on, I get off, I get on again, I get off, I get on again. Oh for goodness sake. My old scale was actually "vintage". I should have sold it on Ebay. I am pretty sure Denny and I got it for a wedding present and that was in 1967. My point is that at least the old scale always came up the same. This new digital wonder wanders all over the place. (Am I an optimist because I always decide to go with the lowest weight?) And while I feel better some 40 pounds lighter, I am still exactly who I was before I lost those pounds.

When people ask how did I lose that weight, I usually say I walk a lot. Or maybe sometimes, the famous "Grief Diet" except you can't write a book about it. The truth is, the pounds don't really matter. Would I be willing to add 100 pounds and have Laurie back or Katie better? In a nanosecond. But it doesn't work that way. So yeah, I like the new clothes, the compliments. Does it really matter? No.

The real importance of weight? The weight of the world...the weight of my words...the weight of my actions. Am I really weighing what I say, what I pray? That is exactly what I need to focus on. Not the ever fluctuating digital readout, but the way ("weigh?") I show my love and trust in God.

Pretty fun...

Yesterday Pete got to try out his newest character, his pirate. Lest anyone wonder, Pete is an entertainer: a clown, stiltwalker, magician, DJ. My friend and coworker Elaine was going out to Arlington Race Track with friends to celebrate a significant birthday. Now Elaine is no-nonsense, level headed and not one that looks for attention. What better thing than to surprise her with a visit from a pirate at a very public place?

Even better I learned that Tommy was planning on bringing the kids to the track for an outing the same day. I think the pictures show we all were amused. Isn't Pete too cute? And aren't I lucky to be married to him?

Happy birthday, Elaine! 

Pirate Pete (Grandpa) and the Michel kids at Arlington Race Track 

Yippee... 

Disappointed with God?

To blog or not to blog, that is the question. Is it better to write something to just get my thoughts out or do I need to publish something for how it will "look"? Or bigger, what about the huge stuff that continues to tumble around in our family, jostling us this way, then that way?
I am not sure.

In the words of Gene Appel, our gifted teaching pastor at Willow, the older I get, the more I need to say "I just don't know" to the big questions. Why do certain things happen to people, why do some struggle with infertility, unanswered prayers, why does a "normal" life seem to evade some? I just don't know.

But for me I am not disappointed in God. I got to listen to a tape from the service held while we were doing the Overnight weekend before last. Actually I listened to it at least four times today during a drive to Rockford and back for business. It struck such a cord because many I know are struggling with God, disappointed with God, angry with God...and I have no words. I just don't know. I can not inject my faith or peace or whatever it is into someone else.

But the deal is it's not about me, my pain, my unfulfilled dreams, the mysteries I wrestle with. The focus is on Him, the God who is greater than...the God who is at work upstream. God exists whether you believe it or not. I believe it. And today He winked at me. As I listened to the tape the first time and was thinking "Yes, yes that's what I believe" I glanced in the rear view mirror and there they were, right next to each other, a red Jeep and a black Jeep. God's goofy little signal to me (too long to explain the history) saying "Yes, Barb." Sweet.

If anyone wants a copy of the tape "Disappointed with God" I will send it. Let me know. And just for fun, I am going to post a picture taken last Sunday of Pete and me in a friend's 1972 red Corvette. It has nothing to do with anything except I like the picture...

The Dream Team. 

Yes, sadly too many... 

My luminary for Laur... 

New friends at finish... 

Closing ceremonies at dawn... 

The Overnight 2006

Saturday afternoon, last minute preparations for the ride downtown, printing forms, pasta carb load, phone calls, who is where, who needs a ride and then we are there on the east side of Soldier Field. Drew has done a great job of putting the photos on his blog. Please take a look there.

For me, I went in with anticipation and a longing that I did not need to be there. Seeing Shelly from Colorado and knowing her pain and then the 1000+ walkers, each with their own stories, overwhelming. When the opening ceremony speakers asked who had walked last year and then pointed out that in this past year 30000 more had taken their own lives, I want to weep. I know at least 25 of those stories. It's got to stop. There are ways to cope, to heal, to find hope. Our little group prayed together before we started. Off we begin the 20 miles on a beautiful night along Lake Michigan...Lake Michigan...a place I can never see again without sadness.

As I walked this year, I engaged in more conversations with people I did not know, heard their stories, told mine. Our team stayed closer together this year and finished strong. Aimee and Mark almost looked chipper as they came in long before dawn. I had taken a sweeper van at mile 12; my right leg was hurting and a woman we had met through the blogs , was struggling with four huge blisters. I have no regrets about taking 5 miles out of the 20 mile walk. The result for me was being able to function quite well at the closing ceremonies and for the rest of the day. ( No trip to First Aid this year.) My new friends, Ginny, Kathy and Chris, and I got out of the van at the 18 mile pit stop where we were given luminary bags to write our thoughts on and leave along with way.

My closing thoughts are that in this next year we know of no one who makes the choice to opt out. There is hope...

Unimaginable... 

The Overnight

http://www.afsp.org/files/Overnight/scroll_v01uc.swf The journey I wish I did not have to be on.

The best weekend of my life...

These are the sweetest words repeated by Denver to his mom and dad. This weekend we all went to Great America on Friday: though Pete and I did not think the two hour wait to even get into the park was too fun, it did not seem to bother Denver at all. From Great America, Katie and Tommy and the kids went up to Wisconsin and spent two nights at a friend's place relaxing. Sunday night Tommy and Denver went on a "Guys Campout" at Starved Rock. What a far cry from the horrific night months ago where Denver wrote the saddest note saying his heart was ruined and his thoughts were ruined, and everything else. Not long ago he told me I could rip that note up because having mom back home, he no longer felt that way.

So good to find joy in a small boy's heart!

And for Pete and I, we had a pretty great weekend too. Great America and dinner with old friends Friday, a really fun shindig at Arlington Race Course thrown by one of the companies I rep for on Saturday and church and our neighborhood block party on Sunday. Maybe not the best weekend of my life but a chance to have fun, laugh and know that life can still have moments of joy...

Denver and Pada chugging along... 

End of a fun day at Great America. 

Isaiah and Maya take a whirl on the ladybugs. 

Look close. That's Laurie and Kristin probably 17 or 18 years ago. 

Pete thinks this picture is the real me...in the drivers seat of a fire truck! 

Our neighbors, just hanging out. 

Laurie and her buds. Teen Camp. All those lives... 

Memories. Me as the Angler Fish; Pete and I, the camel; the canoe; Laurie, Dee and Linda; Pete, Katie and I... 

This big week...

August 6th through 13th. So many things this week. I am sitting here quietly Saturday night knowing I am going into a mighty week. This week is packed with so many things that need to be prayed for. Katie and Tommy, the Leadership Summit at Willow, last week of Sonlight with the African Refugee kids, Alex's wedding on Saturday, Debbi's conference in Florida, the Overnight http://www.theovernight.org/, Greg and Cheryl moving into their home in Malaysia and http://www.lgyc.org/tc/ Teen Camp at LGYC.

Each one has great importance, but what I can not get out of my mind is Teen
Camp. Lake Geneva Youth camp http://www.lgyc.org/ has been a part of my life ever since I became a believer. I have done handcraft, been a counselor, been a cook, headed up special events, been a part of a place that I know heads kids to God. And tomorrow Teen Camp starts. Lake Geneva Youth Camp. A place where Denny and I served, each of our kids participated as a camper, Pete and I embraced, a place where we were part of Guiness Book of World Records, our kids have all served there in many facets, my nieces have been part of, and tomorrow Chris leads as one of the program directors into a week where 200+ kids will hear God's Word, have an unbelievable week and will decide: "Am I in or am I out?" I am praying each one chooses Him. Pray with me, won't you?

"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, "for our God is a consuming fire.""
- Hebrews 12:28-29 NIV

"Thank You"... Does anyone know how say it anymore?

To the customer or client...
To the waitress at the restaurant...
To a neighbor who goes out of his way...
To a co-worker who goes the extra mile...
To a friend who makes a difference...
To a family member not taken for granted...
To our Lord... our God...

"Thank You"... Two little words that carry so much weight... Two little words that are far too often forgotten...

"Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." - Psalm 100:4-5 NIV

Thank you, Jesus... Thank You.

Keep the Faith... Carpe Diem

These words are from an almost daily email Pete and I get from a good friend, Marty, who we met the year we did the Summit in Pensacola, FL Marty sends out his Great Day Addendum to anyone who wants to receive it. So many times, the words he has written are what I need to see right then. And that is true again, today.

Last night I smiled when Katie reminded the kids to say thank you to our waiter at IHOP and they each responded with "Thank you, dude". He laughed. Tommy called later just to say thank you for some things we had been able to help with. I typically am pretty good with thanks yous; remembering to thank Him for even the tough stuff, I am often not so good.

But today here I am to say Thank You, Lord. Thank you that even though yesterday was filled with a lot of anxiety and tears, You were near. Thank you that when our air conditioner decided to give up last night (We are experiencing 101 degree days right now!) we still had a roof over our head and a fan that worked! And now, thank you big time for that repairman who just left and for a mere $189 replaced the worn out condenser. And, oh yeah, thank you for the genius that invented air conditioning, too.