Disappointed with God?

To blog or not to blog, that is the question. Is it better to write something to just get my thoughts out or do I need to publish something for how it will "look"? Or bigger, what about the huge stuff that continues to tumble around in our family, jostling us this way, then that way?
I am not sure.

In the words of Gene Appel, our gifted teaching pastor at Willow, the older I get, the more I need to say "I just don't know" to the big questions. Why do certain things happen to people, why do some struggle with infertility, unanswered prayers, why does a "normal" life seem to evade some? I just don't know.

But for me I am not disappointed in God. I got to listen to a tape from the service held while we were doing the Overnight weekend before last. Actually I listened to it at least four times today during a drive to Rockford and back for business. It struck such a cord because many I know are struggling with God, disappointed with God, angry with God...and I have no words. I just don't know. I can not inject my faith or peace or whatever it is into someone else.

But the deal is it's not about me, my pain, my unfulfilled dreams, the mysteries I wrestle with. The focus is on Him, the God who is greater than...the God who is at work upstream. God exists whether you believe it or not. I believe it. And today He winked at me. As I listened to the tape the first time and was thinking "Yes, yes that's what I believe" I glanced in the rear view mirror and there they were, right next to each other, a red Jeep and a black Jeep. God's goofy little signal to me (too long to explain the history) saying "Yes, Barb." Sweet.

If anyone wants a copy of the tape "Disappointed with God" I will send it. Let me know. And just for fun, I am going to post a picture taken last Sunday of Pete and me in a friend's 1972 red Corvette. It has nothing to do with anything except I like the picture...