See him up there? 

Five Minute Take Away

Man, I really have to get motivated to walk for training for the Overnight. And this morning I had a little push. Since Pete is gone on the mens' retreat I had the house to myself. After having a fun dinner last night with one of the other wives whose husband is also on the retreat, I indulged my favorite hobby to relieve stress ( I'm not saying the best way, just my favorite.). I went to Kohl's to bargain hunt.

My find this time: a great spring green and light blue spring jacket. It's reversible, it has a hood, it came with a cute matching string bag, back pack thing. The best part it cost $14.87. originally $50! The second best thing: it is a size large, not a 2X like I used to wear. So my motivation this morning started with wearing my new jacket while I walked.

After stretching to try to get past the shin splint I have in my right leg and the heel pain I have in my left foot, I start. I pray. There is much to bring up to God. We have been hit with more news, not good, this week and I am still reeling from it. It is too fresh to share on a blog and really too personal but God already knows it. And my confirmation? I hear it...the cardinal's song, begging me to look up into the tree. There he is, again; my little personal note from God. He knows. And then I look back down at the sidewalk and what is laying there? Two twigs, one laying on top of the other forming a perfect little cross. And this happened earlier this week at a different spot. I have to laugh. Some people just know God is there for them. I have to have cardinals, black Jeeps, red Jeeps and now little crosses made out of twigs...cool.

The sound of singing...

Thanksgiving... 

Joy and gladness... 

Isaiah 51:3

The Lord will surely comfort them,
And will look with compassion on all their wounds,
He will make their deserts like Eden,
Their wastelands like the garden of the Lord,
Joy and gladness will be found in them,
Thanksgiving and the sound of singing...

My friend Linda is praying this prayer for all my grandchildren. I am praying it now too. Can I ask you to do the same?

Aunt Munch playing piano for Hayden... 

An Unexpected Gift...

I would be the first to say I love gifts, both giving and receiving. Friends and family have been amazing in their giving to my Overnight fund raising. Great gifts with long range value. Picking out the Easter Bunny gifts for the grandkids was so fun. Pete bringing me flowers every week, an ongoing gift I love.

But early this week I received an unexpected gift that really has boosted my heart. While looking for colored pens in Laurie's dresser drawer, Katie found some cassette tapes we had not ever listened to. One was hilarious, Laurie at about 10 years old, reading Shel Silverstein poems from Where the Sidewalk Ends. The other, oh, the other... It is about 20 minutes of Laurie playing the piano and singing worship songs.

She sings Open the Eyes of My Heart; I Love You, Lord; Lord, I Give You My Heart...One she sings without the piano. My eyes just well up hearing her voice. And the other sweet part is this little melody that she had made up. Not long ago I had looked at the piano and remembered that tune and felt sad I would never hear it again. It was her original little musical piece...and then there it is on the tape! So sweet! Thanks, God, for this unexpected gift you chose not to reveal until over 13 months after Laurie's homegoing.

I have asked Drew to help me make CDs from the original tape. That would make a nice gift to pass on. Let me know if you would like this little Laurie gift.

From Kristin. Easter 2006

This is an email Kristin sent to me and with her permission I am posting here.

4.17.2006 3:31PM
Who would have thought that yesterday, on Easter, I’d journey to Heaven?
It’s true. For minutes that you can count on less than a full hand, I experienced Heaven.
I was driving home from work when I started thinking about God, so I put in the Student Impact Alive worship CD, which I haven’t listened to in months, and started worshiping.
I made it about half way through the CD before I remembered "Revelation 19" was the last song. I skipped ahead. "Revelation 19" was one of those songs that helped to define Impact for my class. It was the song everyone got chills from and consequently begged for it never to be over. So simple were the verses, so easy was the melody, so beautiful were the three parts separated and how perfectly they came back together. The song was especially meaningful to me because I finally started reading Revelations on Friday, Good Friday. For years, I have pretended that book didn’t exist. I’ve been scared of it. I’m not afraid to say that, I never have been. Plenty of people know my feelings on it. I simply refused to open it under all circumstances. However, the more I read, the more I read the words to the song I knew so well. Though I still have not gotten to chapter 19, the more I kept reading words like these... "Hallelujah, salvation and glory, honor and power onto the Lord our God. For the Lord our God is Almighty. The Lord our God is omnipotent. The Lord our God, he is wonderful!" (Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. Rev: 7:12)
I had already worshiped to the song once and was filled with a few tears and smiles and goose bumps, but I hit play again and after 15 seconds I was no longer in my car. I have no idea how fast I was going or what cars were around me, how many times the road curved or how I made it to Lake Cook Road traveling West on 94 but I know this…I was in Heaven.
I was there and words will fail to describe the true feeling and sight of being there. I know this though; I never stopped worshiping. My lips kept moving, song poured out of my mouth. I was in a white space. The floors were white. The boundaries of space that were not walls were white. Everyone around me who I could not see but could feel was there, was wearing white. She was wearing white too. Laurie was wearing white. She was standing there to my right, facing the same direction I was, and she looked beautiful. Her hair was down, still dirty blonde, still cascading below her shoulders. Her robe was white, long sleeved with a high neckline. When I saw her, she smiled through her words. We were worshiping together, perfectly in tune and harmony and God smiled. Though I couldn’t see him, he sat above us on a pedestal overlooking the crowd, I could feel that he was looking down and smiling. Knowing that one he had made me happy by reuniting us and two because we were praising him in awe. Laur reached over with her left arm and hugged me for a brief second but the words never ceased from our lips and the tears in my eyes began to well from pure joy. I had my God right in front of me and my sister right next to me. I couldn’t forget though that we were not alone. We were two out of a crowd gathered before God singing praise. I looked at Laur and she reassured me, through communication not of Earth, that "This is what it’s like. This is what joy is. This is what I, we, love to do for our God. This is Heaven and we are lucky that we get to call this our own." And eternity suddenly felt like an endless amount of wonderful tomorrows that I could get excited about. I couldn’t stop crying from joy but I couldn’t get the words to cease from my lips. In God’s presence, I wouldn’t help but worship him with everything that I was and everything that I had. I looked at her again, and she said she was proud. She was proud of Me, of the things I was doing with my life and the leaps I’ve taken before God. She was proud of the way I was loving people. More then that she was excited…for the plans God had for me. They are big and she told me I could handle it.
For those few moments, I felt a peace I have never felt.
For those few moments, I felt a presence I have never felt.
For those few moments, I saw a vision that I cannot describe with words but is clear in my eyes and resonates within my ears.
For those few moments, I saw a glimpse of God and a picture of Laurie.
When the song was over, I snapped quickly back into reality, rushing my fingers forward to turn off the radio. My heart was beating swiftly. The tears streamed down my face. "My God, what is going on with us?!" My breath and soul cried out.
He is consistently showing me miracles that I never expected from this lifetime. In talking to Liz on Friday, I spoke and said that God hadn’t been miraculous in a few weeks. He had been there, teaching me, guiding me, asking things of me but nothing extremely intense. I told her I was learning the true faith piece. Faith is easy when God performs miracles but faith comes when the miracles stop and you simply have to keep believing. I was getting comfortable with that logic and God showed up again!
For Good Friday, I read all four gospel accounts of the crucifixion.
For Easter, I read all the resurrections.
Mark 16:15-18 says:
He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and then they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well".
He did not qualify certain people. He did not say you will have one and not the other. All who believe shall have these gifts and be able to use them. I’m developing something. I can’t explain it and I can’t yet point to it but something is happening in me that is so real. I’m developing a gift…what will it be? What will it be used for?

Some of the clan... 

More family and friends... 

This does my heart good... 

The cousins. Molly, you left too soon... 

Reece and Grandpa Pete 

Easter 2006

This morning I will put away all the Easter decorations. It will be a little less chaotic then how they went up. Denver, Maya and Isaiah helped me a week ago to "arrange" everything and it was a blast. Probably the best part was explaining "the plate". On this clear glass plate there is a small rolled piece of fabric (representing the cloth Jesus' body was wrapped in.) a large nail, a branch with huge thorns on it, a noodle angel (thanks, Sharon) , a small bottle of perfume, a large flat rock (the stone that was rolled away) a counted cross stitch cross and a little grapevine wreath ( the crown of thorns) . The kids listened to what each part represented in Jesus' death and resurrection; we all loved the bunny stuff and plastic eggs and the fake lettuce but I think that the plate really told the real story. So did the nutty cookies we made while decorating the eggs. The kids smashing pecans in a bag with wooden spoons (Reminding us about the way the soldiers beat Jesus. Eggs, salt, vinegar and sugar, each part of the story and then putting the meringue cookies into the oven overnight, actually sealing the oven with tape, like the tomb.

Easter morning, of course the baskets and the hidden eggs were a big part, but so was pulling out the fluffy hollow cookies...the empty tomb. Sweet.

The service at Willow was inspiring, the dinner back here, too fun. Hanging out with friends and family, calling the Texas Boncimino's, all in all a good good Easter...And for me occasional moments of remembering where Laurie is now...worshipping the risen King!

Oh, man, this is fun! 

Yippee for Easter fun! 

Easter Bunny, this way to the eggs in the fridge... 

The Bunny Trail... 

My day in court...

What a beautiful day to go to traffic court! I am off of work today and it is beautiful outside. This day started with me taking a walk over to the Murphy's. (Time to start training for the Overnight. More about that in another post.) Tomorrow, long time residents of Buffalo Grove, Ann Marie's mom and dad are moving, downsizing and leaving many neighborhood friends. I wanted to say good bye before they left and though they were at work, Ann Marie and little guy Ben were home. I have known Ann Marie since she was in kindergarten with Katie. We have a history, most of it funny, some of it hard. Ann Marie, bless her heart, stuck by as Katie's friend through everything, this last by far the hardest. It was so good to share the most recent stuff of both families and just laugh. I know we will continue to see each other through the years to come.

One thing Ann Marie asked was how was I doing with Greg and Cheryl's upcoming move to Kuala Lumpur. Honestly, though it is far, far away (10X the distance from Chicago to Houston per Greg's recent blog.) I am excited for them. What a great opportunity and I've been on long plane flights before. I consider it a cool thing that I will get to visit Malayasia. Who would ever have thought that for us?

On then, this afternoon to traffic court. Remember my bashing into the rear of the car in front of me? I dressed carefully, not too showy, not too sloppy. Why I even shaved my legs. I know: Too much information. But here is a little known fact no one ever told me when I was younger. As you age, sometime in your 50's, the hair on your legs goes into slow down mode, much like everything else. Something to look forward to girls!

So nicely dressed and nervous, I try to remember everything my very kind officer told me the night I got the ticket, like the guy you hit probably won't even show up, so plead "Not guilty". Who do I see the minute I exit my car? My red headed victim, the guy I hit, and he's dressed like a lawyer, for crying out loud! Okay, now what? As we both go through the security screening, I decide to speak first. We shake hands, I ask how he has been. Any more accidents? This poor guy was hit two other times besides me hitting him in a three month period. His car was being repaired while he was in Europe last week. Well, la de da. The court doors open and we all file in, my victim, right behind me. It turns out he is there because he had to prove he had insurance. He was nice to ask how my daughter is; I tell him in three sentences and he tells me his bipolar friend story. Now what, do I still plead "Not guilty"? So I decide to share my indecision with him; I whisper to him, "You look like a lawyer, would you plead "Guilty" or "Not guilty" if you were me? I just don't know. I certainly hit you." He says how about "No contest?" Ha ha. So I tell him, I am going to go with "Not guilty" and see what happens. The bailiff lady finds my little folder, sees it is an accident and ask if I am pleading "Not guilty". I say yes, she gives me a date next month and if no one (the victim) shows up, it will be thrown out. I'm free to go. The victim gives me a little thumbs up sign and waves good bye. With any great good luck, I will not be seeing him again.

It's a beautiful day!

The coolest (and tallest) grandpa ever... 

Happy Birthday, oh husband of mine...

Tuesday, April 11th is Pete's birthday. I must salute the man I am married to for his steadfast love, his hilarious sense of humor (so perfect for the clown that he is), his deep faith in God and his unwavering ability to do everything in his power to help in any situation.

Through this last year, though missing Laurie as deeply as any of us, Pete is the one who kept us grounded, who did a million things to keep me buoyed up, said yes to any chore that needed to get done. Today (Monday) Pete got up early, did his morning run, jumped in his Jeep and helped Katie move out of Respite to her new housing. Katie will be living with Kristin, Pete's daughter, my beautiful stepdaughter and this was not a decision come to lightly by anyone. In Pete's heart of hearts I know he has deep concern for Kristin in this generous offer of hers. Pray that Katie is well on the road to learning how to lead a productive life safely and that this short term living situation is not draining on Kristin but that God would be in it.

Following the move-in, Pete drove Katie to her job interview (she got the job), then took her to lunch and drove her out to a counseling session. Tonight he worked three hours as Parky the Clown at a restaurant 35 miles from here, getting back home at 9:30 PM. Is he grumpy from this long day? No, he walks in all smiles with a balloon bouquet the restaurant presented him with. This is the pace Pete leads every day...caring for any of the grandkids, calling friends checking in, buying me flowers every week, driving anyone anywhere they need a ride, working in the middle of the night at the PADS homeless shelter. Just today I was reminded how awesome it is that he has such a non-traditional job making him available for so many things.

So Mr. "I-can-watch-Law-and-Order-Forever". Mr. Parky the Clown and in my book, Mr. Wonderful, Happy Birthday!

Cubs win...

Was that a dream? I am sound asleep on the couch in the family room taking a well deserved nap. It's Friday, It's drizzling out. And I'm tired. A nap was the perfect thing. I am roused awake by the ringing of something. It's a doorbell; I had forgotten that Pete had recently installed a new doorbell that actually works.

Jumping up, slapping my cheeks to really wake up, I realize Pete has already answered the door to some guy who is selling frozen steaks door to door.(????) The good portion of this small scenario is that I got to see the last minute of the Cubs game and they won. That was worth waking up for. Of course if I was a true fan, I never would even thought about going to sleep while the Cubs play.

Last night I woke up several times out of a sound sleep. I am missing Laurie more than usual, worrying too much about a variety of things. Katie is coming out of Respite care Monday and has a good,safe place to stay. She has a job lined up, at a coffee shop, ironically. I know that this is only the first step to wellness for her but it is a start. The rest of the family is coming to grips with what is our next "new reality". So in these fits of sleep and waking, I know I need to pray and all that comes into my head are worship songs. That's a form of prayer isn't it?

And now this afternoon, I didn't even have to pray. The Cubs won all by themselves!

Encouragement needed.

While some things in our world are slowly making progress, Greg's vision, various grandson's tummy upsets, Katie's coming to grips with many things, Tommy is experiencing a bit of a slump. I so know how hard it is to single parent, did it for 5 years, and still remember going to do grocery shopping in the middle of the night because it was the only few free minutes I had.

Tommy has a one day adventure tomorrow, his first break in over four months. He and his sister are driving to Cincinnati for the Cubs game. While he is gone, I would love if anyone reading this could take a minute to send him an email at nappy1501@comcast.net to encourage him in the heroic efforts he is carrying out. Emails telling him he is doing the right thing, emails that you are praying for him, tell him a joke. whatever. just tell him. Thank you so much...

1990 I was Marge Simpson shown here with Elvis. Took Simpson Personality Test...I'm still Marge. 

Laurie as Maggie Simpson in 1990 

Look at me, I'm Marge Simpson

You Are Marge Simpson

You're a devoted family member who loves unconditionally. Sometimes, though, you dream about living a wild secret life! You will be remembered for: your good cooking and evading the police Your life philosophy: "You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

The Simpsons Personality Test

Wow! We saw "Wicked". Wonderful... 

Chris and Christa out on the town... 

To infinity and beyond... 

To life...

Kristin has just emailed us the most beautiful description of her joyously embracing the rain tonight and experiencing the awesome feeling of mud squishing between her toes. She has such spirit and such an eloquent way of describing her feelings. I wish I could have been there to see the rain dance.

I have one of those perma smiles tonight recounting the weekends activities. Friday night with our good friends, Steve and Barb and their kids sharing a pizza and catching up. Saturday taking Denver, Maya and Isaiah to the library where we loaded up on new books. And then Saturday night, experiencing "Wicked" and dinner downtown with Chris and Christa, our belated Christmas gift exchange. Pete and I were footloose for the first Saturday night, pretty much since mid December. Thank you, Scott and Susie and Phil and Valerie for taking care of the kids.

I spoke to Greg twice this weekend, too. I got his updates on his eye surgery and the cool stuff happening in Texas, like Cheryl being the professional vocalist who will be performing songs from "Wicked" at Ashley's spring concert.

And progress too with Katie. Answered prayer for an extension at Respite, another week. A setback last Monday when she had a seizure during group and stayed overnight in the hospital. Her meds have been adjusted and the results are already becoming apparent. She can not drive for six months after a seizure; she knows she is grounded to public transportation. Today was spent looking at possible rooms to rent and getting job applications, as she described, a non chaotic job, something close to Berwyn, close to the various counseling/ group meetings she will continue going to. And for the first time in a long time she came to church, Tommy picking her up at Respite at 8:00 AM. Tommy, bless his heart, running on a short 2 1/2 hours sleep, working to close at the restaurant and losing an hour due to Daylight savings time. I continue to marvel at the way Tommy keeps digging in to inner resources I doubt he knew he had.

So tonight I will fall asleep thanking Him for this life...it's hard but so worth the ride.