From my heart: January 2007

The Weekend in Review

Well, not really the weekend in review. Too much goes on. But we did have fun. Friday night, four couples who have been linked since 1981, got together to celebrate and remember. The Nguyens, the Vietnamese couple, who bravely brought their nine children to America all those many years ago, the Heicks, my support system through so much, the Goodmillers, part of the original team in settling the Nguyens here and Pete and I. We had a great dinner, laughed, poked fun at each other, and learned how many grandchildren we had all racked up. 27 so far with three more on the way! We are a population explosion!

I think the pictures also show some of the fun stuff going on here with Katie and the kids...on Saturday every child under this roof got a bath. That's a lot of towels but we would not change any of it for a minute!

This afternoon we had lunch with Pete's great aunt and uncle who have been married 61 years. They are so cute together and we all laughed so much. I want to grow up to be just like them. (Hi, Aunt Myrt and Uncle Walt. Thanks for the wonderful lunch!) Yes, they have a computer and know how to use it.

What really brought me joy today was sitting in church, me, then Pete, Christa, Chris, Katie, Tommy, friends on the other side of me, Steve and Ari a few rows behind. What a great thing to be able to be together and worship and learn. Wow! And next weekend will be cool. Pete has been asked to be one of the "Deal or No Deal" guys up on stage for all three services. The tie-in is, of course, the Superbowl. Just seeing Pete up there in a Bears fan jersey will be worth the price of admission; Pete is not what I would call the ultimate sports guy, but he is a great sport! So on we go. Go Bears!

Unfolding the laundry...

I think I have aired more laundry via my blog than I ever thought possible. I know I am often probably way more open about family affairs than most people would be, but that is how I am wired up. My life is pretty much an open book and I guess my hope is that sometimes someone can read what is here and think, "Okay, she's going on another day. I guess I can, too."

Over the last two years, we have been hit with some gale force winds. "God is in control" has been my mantra, even though so many times, I could see no good coming out of a situation. Katie's diagnosis of bipolar was frightening, the announcement of twins on the way, was bewildering, the divorce, sickening. My prayer always has been that as a family we could still carry on in this "New normal". And mostly, we have.

So more laundry is getting unfolded...and it is good. Katie and the twins are now living here. She has made the move wisely, seeking counsel, seeking a safe place. Though details would be interesting, they are not necessary. God IS in control.

Today I read Greg's blog about Myanamar (or however you spell it) and Ashley's where she writes beautifully about her new friends. And Brooke's blog about the almost trip to Viet Nam with Habitat for Humanity. Amazing and inspiring and cause to know again, He IS in control. Tonight was my first night back leading a child loss small group at Willow's Grief Support. We shared our stories of "what happened" and you can not believe the depth of pain, but I walked away tonight, knowing they will make it through. He IS in control and doesn't give a hoot about what our laundry looks like flying all over. He just cares about us. And the funny thing is though I love all my towels folded and stacked a certain way, it just doesn't matter. If we pull the laundry out of the basket, out of the dryer and onto our backs or from a neat stack, it still will cover us, dry us, give off the sweet smell of a fresh, clean start. Cool.

Da Bears...

Yes, I am totally a fair weather fan and right now the weather is FAIR! The last time I really followed the Bears was the infamous 1985 Super Bowl Bears and I still remember how super fun that was...

Maybe we can have that again? The Michel kids are true blue and orange (and pink) fans and I am secure in the knowledge that Greg is sitting in Kuala Lumpur wearing the Bears shirt we sent him for Christmas cheering them on.

Go Bears!

Movin' Along...

This past Sunday was my birthday. Eek! 58 years old. How did that happen? Most days I still feel like I am somewhere in my thirties. Pete gave me two cool gifts. One is this great digital picture frame. Pete spent all day yesterday going through all our digital pictures and loading over 600 of them on to a memory stick. When you power up the frame, a picture appears, fades and a new comes on. I have it on my credenza at work and it is the greatest thing to catch a picture out of the corner of my eye and then really focus on it and remember. What an awesome gift!

And the other gift was terrific as well but a little trauma was involved with this one. It had to do with my new nose piercing. Pete got me the little, itty-bitty gem that I really wanted when I first got pierced. I had no idea what the backing of my nosering (That is what it's called, isn't it? It's not an earring for your nose.) was like since it is inside my nostril. Suffice it to say that replacing the nose jewel involved a flashlight, a mirror, needle nose pliers and a Sharpie pen. And the best gift of all, Pete helped with the craziness. He rocks!

The whole day had many great elements to it. An early morning call from the Mayasian Bonciminos. The Michel kids at church and breakfast after with all of them, Tommy, Aunt Sarah with the yellow hair, Jake, his kids, Pete, Katie and the twins. It was delightful chaos. We watched a great Bears game at home. And later, pizza with more family and friends. I think the picture portrays the fun there too. And last a quick visit to our dear friend John at Good Shepherd Hospital where he had spent several days getting chemo treatment. (Big prayers on John's behalf, please.) And the only downside was the ambush as we left Good Shepherd, the same hospital where my sister Lin was pronounced dead 10 years ago, where my mom died in surgery almost three years ago and where my dad spent the last 10 days of his life. Out of nowhere as we walked to the car, I was nailed with missing all of them. And this was not quiet weeping, it was loud sobbing most of the ride home.

Contacts ruined, I shake my head even now knowing that the loss of loved ones still brings pain. I am grateful for the knowledge that our hope is in Him and our real heavenly home someday. I'm movin' along...

Lin's note...

Lin's Legacy

This past Sunday Gene Appel gave a sermon that rocked everyone who heard it. He talked about the big "What if..". What if this is the last year of your life? Are you leading it the way you want to? What will your legacy be? He went on to show the video story of a young couple, I think Heather and Eric Olson were their names. This young, very much in love couple have four young sons and another on the way. A few months ago the husband woke up in the middle of the night with an overpowering sense that his life would be cut short. From this prompting from the Holy Spirit, he crept downstairs and made an emotional 45 minute video for his family and friends; it was his legacy, the things he wanted his family and friends to know...He started by saying that if they had found this DVD labeled "Eric's Last Words" something bad had happened. And then he went on to leave words of love and wisdom for his wife, his sons, his parents and words of encouragement for his unsaved friends to pursue God. And something bad did happen. Eric was killed in a small plane crash in Indiana two months ago. The message was overwhelming. Our lives have a purpose.

As I walked out of Willow Creek, I thought of my sweet sister Lin's note that we found in her stuff after her life was cut short at the young age of 47 in a weird, tragic accident. I have made copies of it and keep it stuck in places where I will see it and read it again. I think today is a good day to post it here.

And if you can't make out all of her handwriting, here is what she says:

"My personal request is to have no one mourn my death but know that I am thankful for all the days I was allowed to be on this earth. I know the Lord Jesus forgives me for all I've done wrong, and I pray all those close to me, do too. I've had and enjoyed so very much in my years here. I feel I've touched and been touched by many of your beautiful spirits. I've learned so much and probably misunderstood as much but I tried to be open to learn more. Thanks to all those who helped, guided and were there along the way. May all those who read this open their hearts and look for the joy and the truths everywhere around them for these days are given with a purpose and it's up to each of us to learn it and try to live with this in mind always so we can...LIVE God bless you all"

Lin, almost 10 years after you are gone from this earth and we still learn from you. Thanks for that...

PS I think you'd get a kick out of my nose piercing!

Pretty little Laurie with her pretty little pony...

Yeah, Laur. Do not climb on rocks!

Christmas 1987

Girlfriends...

When she was three...

On January 2nd, I remembered. It has been 22 months since Laurie's death. Back in November I decided to reflect each month on remembering Laurie at each year of her life, starting back then with age one. This month I am remembering her at three years old, the same age of grandsons Hayden and Isaiah right now. What a great age! So inquisitive, so verbal, so cute!

And on the 2nd, while I was driving into work, thinking about her at three, what do I see? The license plate on a passing car that read: LUVUMOM It wasn't on a black Jeep but it was good enough for me. I am so amazed how God shows me these crazy signs that affirm His presence and that He continues to guide me through the grief journey.

And then a few days ago, I was dreading making a phone call to a dear friend to straighten some stuff out. I kept putting off calling and then made myself a little deal. I would call if I saw a cardinal during that day. (I had not seen a live cardinal in a few months!) After getting dressed I look out our bedroom window, and, duh, there he was in our neighbor's tree. A brilliant red cardinal! He did not wave a little sign that said "Make that call" but he might as well have. Weird? Not to me. God prompting? Yep...