This is one of the brand new found pictures of Laurie.

Which came first? The chicken or the egg?

Barb, the wench, and Barb, the witch

Maya and Jammie at Halloween party

Me and my Sonlight guys.

I love this pic of Little Jenny and Roger!

Wedding rockers.

Grandma Barb gets to hand paint Hayden.

Grandpa Pete at Hayden's school...cool.

Fall festival story telling at Hayden's school

Cool "new" rug rocks

Why Isaiah likes to come to Grandma's...

Good days, bad days, great days.

Good days...the ones where most things go pretty well. Like finding a perfectly great rug being thrown away that looks great in Denver and Isaiah's room. (Thanks to Grandpa Pete for going to the trash pile to get it.) Good day... finding out that your idea for the chicken and the egg costume for twins, Kylie and Rylan, is going to work out really cute. Good day...being the facepainting grandma and balloon twisting grandpa for Hayden's Fall festival at his school.

Good day...going with "date" Mandy to the wedding of her friend, "Little Jenny" and Roger. (For the record, Little Jenny really is little at 4'6") Not so good was the 2 hour 15 minute ride in Chicago congestion to get there. Good day Saturday...my Sonlight guys and a great Halloween pumpkin party and a costume party in the evening. Pete ended up having a job so our idea of pirate and wench was going awry. I went as the wench anyways and brought a picture of Pete the pirate and a little box of jewels and fake gold coins telling everyone the hubby was away but he left the credit card for me. I'm hilarious!

The point here is these are all great fun things. Not all days are that and in fact, the previous week had me battling depression and worry and general sadness. But as always, God is faithful and grants me a new gift. I really think this is the last of the lost, previously undiscovered, hidden and otherwise unknown cameras that Laurie might have taken pictures with, but we had another camera belonging to Laurie with a roll of film in it. When the roll was developed, there were four pictures of Laurie and the family in Mexico she lived with for a short time to learn Spanish, and one of her and Harper, her primary housemate while in Querretaro. Now discovering this makes for a great day!

Even bad days have an end and a new day follows. And sometimes those next days turn out to be be great days...

Boo, Anonymous. Are you happy now?

I know blogging means a lot of different things to people. Blogs can be self-serving, blogs can be places to learn and grow. Blogs can inspire. Blogs can be tools in business.

For me writing this blog has been a journey, a journal and just a way to get out what's inside. The joy has come in reading other's blogs, and especially my kids' and grandkids' blogs. I am so sad to read now that Greg has decided to stop his blog, mostly because of the aggravation of anonymous comments. Greg is one of those guys who has a pure heart, a sense of truth, a passion for God and his family, the willingness to share the deepest parts of himself, especially as we have gone down the road of grief at losing Laurie.

I will not lie and say that comments do not effect me. And especially those that have encouraged, those have really been so helpful to me. I think it is similiar for Greg so whether an anonymous commenter thought their comments innocuous or minimally "informative" or they are just sarcastic sorts, it still stings. I have asked Greg to consider going to a private (by invitation) blog. What he writes helps many of us here back in the US know how they are doing and how to pray for them. The one thing I am so grateful for is to have been able to read all those words Greg has honestly poured out. How many moms get to know, really know, what is going on in the heart and mind of their 30 something son? That is a gift, a gift I still hope to keep receiving.

The pictures added here are from Aunt Sara with the yellow hair and Jake's wedding last weekend. A beautiful wedding, a beautiful family. I had a trip to New Jersey for business early last week and that was important. I needed some time to recoup from an emotional crash land also last weekend. I think the take away verse from church today was aimed at me. "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today." Exodus 14:13

Ringbearers, Denver and Parker

Jake and Sara, Parker and Payton create a blending of sand and family...

Never able to be separated.

Maya and Isaiah looking spiffy.

Talk about it. Save a life.

The bumper sticker that was passed out at the 5K walk a week ago Saturday has sat in a pile of papers. It has bothered me. As much as I want to save a life, as much as I am willing to talk about suicide and the impact it has had on us, I have not put that bumper sticker on my car...until tonight.

Suicide still sucks. Taking your life and not thinking about ways that life could change. Taking your life and not asking for help. Taking your life and thinking "possibly someone would miss me" like Laurie wrote in her note. That sucks. That's really so not fair. Give others a chance to take your problems seriously; take your medication; take a breath.

This week alone a young husband told me of his young wife taking her life just six weeks ago, leaving him and their two sons. A close friend of ours just lost her cousin to suicide and she is distraught. A business associate and friend is struggling with her beautiful son's attempts at suicide. And a comment left on a recent blog from someone I have never met about her struggle...

All I can plead is don't. Don't do it. Your life has meaning. You are a child of God and He put you here with a purpose. Play it out and discover why you are on this earth. I want to meet you. So do many others. Don't do it, not tonight, tomorrow or ever. Promise?

Go to http://www.afsp.org/ for more information.

Urggggh.

This is the most common retort around town by Chicago Cubs fans. What in the world? I will admit to being one who only really warmed to the Cubs after all my kids began to love them. (Well, not all. Chris could really care less. His world is bigger, somehow.) But I have really followed the Cubs the last several years and really thought in some non-cognizant way, that THIS was the year. Well, dear Cubbies, another year to think this all through.

Arggggh.

The weekend.

This past weekend flew by, all of it really wonderful. I had to go back to work to rest up. Friday night dinner out with two of my best friends, Diane and Karen, and the husbands, Pete and Fred. John, so missed.

Saturday morning was our 5K walk for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Our mighty band of 12 raised $2766 at last count and the day was perfect for a walk in Busse Woods. Even the trumpeting elks, got into the spirit. We were moved by the over 5oo walkers there in support of someone they loved, lost to suicide. AFSP had a great deal worked out with Hotel Indigo for a vastly reduced room rate. We stayed there along with our friends whose kids are close in age to Maya and Denver. The wonderfully relaxing evening and next morning were perfect and so was my 2 hour nap Sunday afternoon. Yes to naps. I say. And the wind-up dinner with beloved nephew Phil for his pre birthday dinner. Yum. I marvel at all the sweet experiences we took part in. Happy Birthday, Phil. You make us proud.

And last, thanks for the prayers from so many of you for last night. I spoke at Grief Support about Laurie, I think the first time child loss has been addressed as well as suicide during the speaker time. It was an interview format with me having the questions beforehand. After the 2 minute video montage of Laurie, family and friends, I began and from the feedback, it was well received. Some in GS have NEVER admitted they lost a loved one to suicide; last night they did. As God loves to show me His presence in such interesting ways, this little note: I was practicing in my car on the way to Willow Creek, I glanced in my rearview mirror and of course, there is a black Jeep right behind. Cool.

2007 Laurie's Legacy AFSP Team.

Pete, Barb and Katie pre walk wearing our Laurie's Legacy Visors

Air Hockey tournament rules.

Our beautiful hotel room.

Hotel Indigo's wonderful swimming pool.

Everyone into the pool...

Stevie and Isaiah poolside.