Dilemma

So I found myself to be part of what felt like an "I Love Lucy" episode yesterday. Between Katie and me we had all five kids on the Fast Track mini bus with 15 minutes to spare before the service would be starting. Don't know if you have ever been on the Willow Creek Community Church campus but it is huge, much like a college campus. It pays to be strategic on which door you enter...

I volunteered to take Denver (7), Maya (5) and Isaiah (3) to their classes for Promiseland so Katie could take the twins to the infant Promiseland. Isaiah had already announced he had to "poop" so time seemed to be of the essence. We flew into the building straight to the closest bathroom. Denver waited outside the door since it was a ladies room. One minute, two minutes, three minutes...no movement if you know what I mean. Poor Isaiah would say he was almost there, then nothing. I am going back and forth checking on Denver with Maya holding Isaiah's stall door closed...

Five minutes, now ten minutes, no coaxing was going to make this go faster. At the 15 minute mark, Isaiah is a little weepy. I suggest we take Maya and Denver to their classrooms and find another bathroom to resume the task. "No, I've got to go.." By this time I finally decide to send out a God SOS. And thus, Dorothy appeared! She was hearing our bathroom stall conversations, and had seen Denver and now Maya waiting patiently outside the door by the water fountain. (That had all sorts of visions of waterplay going in my head.) She said "I'm a grandma; can I help?" Yes! She stood guard outside Isaiah's stall after introductions; I ran, literally, with the other two to their now beginning classes. Running back up the stairs and flying into the Ladies' Room, Dorothy tells me she thinks the mission has been completed! Hooray! Back down the stairs to Isaiah's class, back up to church. It took ten minutes for me to cool down from my Willow Creek workout.

I know some will think I never should have left "Mr. Constipated" with my new friend Dorothy and maybe I shouldn't have. I need to work on a new strategy for future nature calls. Of course, the adventure didn't end there. Maya left her purse in the Promiseland Lobby. So while daughter Katie with five kids in tow and son Chris with his two little sons took off for a local restaurant, I went back for the purse. This adds up to eight trips up and down the levels of Willow and yes, there are elevators but that's for wimps! At the restaurant where we are well known for our family, and often complimented for how well behaved the kids are, we had a great breakfast, and the comped Bloody Mary was a nice little reward for the mornings activities. It actually was pretty easy to get over an older lady a table away who had been casting hostile glances at our troop of seven kids and three adults. Too sad she didn't know the same joy that these moments bring me. Life is meant to be lived in the moment. Pass it on.

Images in cement...

Cement: Memories

The pictures I am posting are a couple of memories in cement. The handprints in the cement was done probably over 20 years ago, the last time Buffalo Grove replaced our curbs. You can see Katie's little hand, Chris' print on the left and Greg's on the right and if you look close up on the top to the left of Katie's, Fred the gerbil's name and little print. What kind of mom lets her kids put their pets' paw in wet cement? Me, I guess. Laurie must have been either too little or maybe not born yet. I suspect Greg with his incredible memory, will write back when he sees this, with the exact date. The next pics show what is going on on our street right now. New curbs are being poured again and the section where those old handprints were etched so many years ago has yet to be poured. I hope I am home the day that section is filled in so we can add some new prints or maybe a Bible verse.

And then there is the day we had our new sidewalk poured at the front of the house in the fall of 2004. The sidewalk was a great gift from my nephew who deals with cement everyday. I still laugh remembering how just minutes after the cement finisher had completed his task, one of the painters painting our living room forgot what was happening just outside the front door and stepped right into the freshly smoothed stoop! Oops! Later after the repairs were made, I found a cool little cross we had bought in Mexico while Laurie was living there and I pressed it into the corner of the stoop. It's a great little reminder both of her and that trip and who we serve.

And more cement. The edge at Lake Michigan. The walls we wrote on on Laurie's birthday last year...Still hard for me to see.

And what I know is it can be too easy to get stuck, maybe not in cement, but stuck in grief. Ironically, this was the topic of our first meeting for the spring session of Grief Support, "Stuck in Grief" Monday night. It's easy to get stuck there. At debrief later, leaders shared how the evening had gone. The stories of more suicides, some murders was enough to make one weep. I had the great gift the very next day to spend some really great quiet time in Chris and Christa's new backyard that backs up to a woodsy area and just reflect. Just me and little grandson Reece listening to birds, swinging on the swings, digging in the dirt and then later in the afternoon, some more quiet time on the Michel's deck. This time just me and grandson Isaiah reading stories and spotting two cardinals. I don't feel stuck. I have lots of memories to hold on to but I know I am still in the process of making new ones. That's good.

Aw, gee whiz...

Another weekend filled with fun and mayhem. We decided to end the Michel kids Spring Break with an overnight stay at the Holiday Inn Holidome Friday night. Pete and I had just served at PADS the night before so we were operating on way short sleep. The evening and next morning could not have been more fun...

Saturday afternoon and evening were filled with Jenny and Sean's wedding. Jenny I have known since she was a baby and it was a thrill to see her getting married and for Pete to be their DJ. Too many times I thought how much my sister Lin would have bubbled with delight and how much Laurie, one of the Jr. Club girls, should have been part of the fun and craziness. But what I know is that we still find joy...sometimes even where there is too much sadness, too much misunderstanding, too much not seeking His face.

I am, like so many, stuck by the tragedy of Virginia Tech. Why tragedy? Why killing? Why death when it should not be? I am so filled with compassion for the parents who have lost their children. I know the long, long journey they will walk and it is not easy. But what I know...know with all my heart: God will not let them go. He has not let me go. He will provide what is needed. He did not cause these seemingly senseless deaths; the evil one did, but He will be there. Tonight driving home from Berwyn, I listened to WMBI, a Christian radio station, where I heard the unwavering faith of the roommate of one of the girls killed yesterday. Marie knew where her dear friend was and she boldly declared it. She was still stunned but her faith kicked in. It is what I know. I had a simple, untested faith. Then Laurie died. My faith kicked in, big time. The God of the universe is still here and He wants to draw us to Him. All of us. The only way I take each breathe each day is because He has gifted me with those very breathes. I am thankful.

I am reminded to pray tonight for all the Intervarsity, Campus Crusade, Youth for Christ staffs at Virginia Tech right now. As so many search for answers, I pray that these dedicated believers will be able to minister to the hurting and give them what they need...hope.

Yippee, we are at the Holidome!

Hot tub overload...

I won't let go, I promise...

This is the life...

Lin, you would have loved this...

The Jr and Sr Club girls and the bride and groom.

SURPRISE!!!!!!

Elvis, Santa and Uncle Sam celebrate Pete...

Drew?????

Steve and other Barb. Pete's friend since 7th grade!

Party, party, party...

Kristin made us all cry with her tribute.

Our dear Kalamazoo friends rock...

Our festive shoes. Guess Pete's and Ray's.

Katie, Kristin, Drew, Barb and birthday boy.

Oh, no. Guess who has reached the Big 5 - 0 ?

Two months of planning and we pulled it off. We surprised Pete last Saturday night with the coolest 50th birthday party ever! Having the greatest husband in the world and really wanting to honor him, we schemed, lied and fanagled and got him to arrive to 70 waiting friends and family members, all wearing Elvis sunglasses, yelling " Surprise".

Our evites were themed after Elvis, since Pete is the King of 8' elevated Elvises (Elvii?) . The very next day after the invitations went out, his sweet aunt unintentionally blew the surprise element when she called him for instructions on how to open the email. Urg. Although Pete did not know I could hear the conversation, he told his aunt not to tell him anymore. What a good guy! And now since I knew that he knew, I needed to invent something else. So we invented a wine tasting event for this coming Friday night and he fell for it.

Entering the party room at a local restaurant, thinking he was going to be the DJ for an engagement party, he was totally surprised! Friends from almost every aspect of his life, his parents and brother, the kids, cousins all had come to be part of his celebration. Guests were encouraged to dress in "Pete" wear, and several did. The cutest was his daughter Kristin, dressed as Elvis. And the tributes to him were so wonderful; Pete is just loved by many, many people. But the show stopper was Kristin's as she described her dad as the man she measures all men against. And I know that is a hard bill to fill. Pete is one amazing, hilarious, compassionate, hard working , God loving man. Happy 50th Birthday, Pete.

Welcome to AARP...

JESUS
IN CHEMISTRY, HE TURNED WATER TO WINE.
IN BIOLOGY, HE WAS BORN WITHOUT THE NORMAL CONCEPTION.
IN PHYSICS, HE DISPROVED THE LAW OF GRAVITY WHEN HE ASCENDED INTO HEAVEN.
IN ECONOMICS, HE DISPROVED THE LAW OF DIMINISHING RETURN BY FEEDING 5,000 MEN WITH TWO FISHES & 5 LOAVES OF BREAD.
IN MEDICINE, HE CURED THE SICK AND THE BLIND, WITHOUT ADMINISTERING A SINGLE DOSE OF DRUGS.
IN HISTORY, HE IS THE BEGINNING AND THE END.
IN GOVERNMENT, HE SAID THAT HE SHALL BE CALLED WONDERFUL COUNSELOR, PRINCE OF PEACE.
IN RELIGION, HE SAID NO ONE COMES TO THE FATHER EXCEPT THROUGH HIM.
JESUS HAD NO SERVANTS, YET THEY CALLED HIM MASTER;
HAD NO DEGREE, YET THEY CALLED HIM TEACHER;
HAD NO MEDICINES, YET THEY CALLED HIM HEALER.
HE HAD NO ARMIES, YET RULERS FEARED HIM.
HE WON NO MILITARY BATTLES, YET HE CONQUERED THE WORLD.
HE COMMITTED NO CRIME, YET THEY CRUCIFIED HIM.
HE WAS BURIED IN A TOMB, YET HE LIVES TODAY.
******
I FEEL HONORED TO SERVE SUCH A MAGNIFICENT LEADER AND ONE WHO LOVES US SO MUCH HE WAS WILLING TO TAKE OUR PUNISHMENT FOR SINS ONTO HIMSELF! JOIN US AND LET'S CELEBRATE HIM THIS EASTER; BECAUSE HE IS WORTHY.
******
REMAIN IN GOD AND SEEK HIS FACE ALWAYS. AMEN, & HAPPY EASTER

Laurie peering through her shredded comforter...

About last night...

Last night I was given a wonderful opportunity to speak at a Campus Life group of about 40 high schoolers. Weekly these kids get together for fun, some food and some serious discussion. Several of them the week before had spent their Spring break going down to rebuild homes in the New Orleans area.

They are led by Nick M., a great guy and friend, once Kristin's boyfriend. In fact, they were an item when Laurie died. I hope this is okay to write, but Nick showed me the text message he still has in his phone from Kristin from March 3, 2005. It read, "She's still missing."

It was easy to understand Nick's passion for this group. They were insightful, respectful and a delight to be with. I was scheduled for the final part of the evening to tell our/my story. Earlier I got to hang out for the announcements, visit a bit with the mom whose really beautiful home all these teens take over and really a highlight, got to sit in with one of the small groups, a mixed group of guys and girls. The questions for small group were direct. "Have you ever known anyone who has committed suicide or who has talked about doing it?" ; "Have you ever thought about killing yourself and if so, what kept you from doing it?" ; "What would you do if a friend told you they felt suicidal?" Wow, no turning away from the hard questions. And what was so awesome is each of the kids in our group shared, shared some really hard stuff. I was moved by their openness and courage.

For my portion of the evening, I had brought one of the picture boards from the funeral, one that had a good cross section of Laurie photos from many different ages and with combinations of friends and family. That was sort of the backdrop and in about 15 minutes or so, I gave a family history, a feel for who Laurie was and what happened March 2nd through March 5th. The kids never uttered a peep during the whole time. The conclusion, the nugget, the take-away was "Suicide is NEVER the answer. Getting help IS the answer." I had little sheets made up with several suicide prevention websites, Laurie's website address, this blog address and then my email address and cell phone number. The hope is that if someone there last night was struggling, they now have some places to turn to and begin to get help. I was thanked many times but the reality was I thank each of them for their willingness to tackle a hard, hard subject, a killer.

Kidland...

This weekend Chris and Christa moved into their new house; nephew Phil moved to their old house; niece Heidi moved into her new place. Holy cow, that's a lot of family moving around! And at 921 kidland prevailed while Katie and Molly kept all the little ones so the rest of us could haul boxes without tripping over someone.

I love this quick succession of photos of the seven on the couch. (Denver was actually at the move and really helped.) Different expressions on different ones but especially Hayden never loosing focus on his Cheese Nips... Isn't it great to be three?