From my heart: July 2006

On my mind...from my heart...

While my days are filled with a million and one things, I still find time to read...magazines, the newspaper, reports for work, emails, blogs and books. I love books. I think part of the reason is because though I did not go to college, I can educate myself. I can find answers or at least a new idea.

Part of my testimony on how I became a believer in Christ involves books. When I was a child, I always knew you could find the answer to anything at the library and I spent lots of time there. When friends of ours years ago started a Bible study with us, I came to realize that the Bible holds the answers to life. And there began my journey as a Christian. I still love the Bible and it still gives me the ultimate counsel.

The wonders of Amazon.com and the ability to buy used books cheap (another favorite thing: Buying cheap.) have allowed me to do research on the lady I will be speaker host for, Peg Neuhauser. Peg is the only female speaker this year at Willow's Leadershp Summit and I will be her escort around town. I was able to purchase three of her books for around $7 (Don't think I will tell her that though. Two were autographed copies!) The other category that actually Amazon notifies me about new books, has been bipolar disorder and mental illness. Now there is an education. And an area that I am finding more and more, people just don't get. Or don't want to get.

So on my mind right now is the mind. How it works, how God created the uniqueness of each of our brains, is "mind" boggling. Current read is Acquainted with the Night A Parent's Quest to Understand Depression and Bipolar Disorder in His Children. I can't wait to finish it for the insights but also to give it to a friend who for years has struggled with raising her son and now to find out bipolar is a big piece of his puzzle. What I clearly know from all my reading is that no one wants mental illness but many suffer from it and many more than that do not believe it is a mental illness that keeps their loved one from being what they "wish" they were. Hard road.

I can count right now 10 people I know who are diagnosed with depression, some taking meds. Each one struggles so much. Society does not really have a place for them; society, us, wants them to "be better", not be sad, get on with life, see things my way, get over it, let me keep talking until you think my way. All so wrong. God made them the way they are. God will see them through. Our badgering will not make a change. To each of my friends suffering, and I mean suffering, from depression or bipolar, I love you. I want to be part of your getting better in whatever way that looks. Let me know how I can help. More important, God loves you and as your Creator, He will see you through.

This picture cracks me up. Note Molly's "earrings". Actually part of the restaurant sign, reading "Silo".

Yippee! Gail in town from Colorado! (This is about the only time Brock did not smile.)

My baby shower pasta salad. Yes, those are radish baby footprints. Too much time on my hands?

The gifts...

The girls...

Libby's baby shower.

Come on Isaiah, we can do this...

Cutest bowler ever, Maya

Bowling at Grandpa Tom's bowling alley...

Ashley, get better.

Greg's blog post yesterday alerted us that Ashley was hospitalized with a return of her "food poisoning" bug. Phooey. 9900 miles is too far away. Ashley, I wish we were sitting around doing crossword puzzles together right this very minute!

Cheryl has emailed me that Ashley was going to be released with lots of meds. Hopefully, Ashley will be back to normal soon and able to gain some of the weight she has lost through all of this. (Not a good way to diet, Ash.) This morning Pete went to Brooke's blog (linked to Greg's) and we got to see pictures of the sickie in the hospital.

Though this weekend had many fun elements, visit with my sister Gail in from Colorado and her family, Silo pizza, cook out with The Michels, baby shower for Libby, volunteering at Promiseland in the 3 year old class where grandson Hayden rules, I am made aware that life is so precious. Live it!

Ashley and me last Thanksgiving in Houston..

Sweet eldest granddaughter...

Ashely, Kristin and Tommy last Novemeber with their turkey masterpiece...

How I spend my Tuesday mornings...

Reading of the amazing happenings with Greg and Cheryl and the girls in Malaysia is riveting. Someone said it in a comment to one of them; they ARE the new reality show!

So the rest of us find our own little ways to engage in something out of our comfort zone or at least a little out of our normal life. For me one of those thngs is hanging out with African refugee kids on Tuesday mornings. Some wonderful, dedicated people, Miss Taroh, Miss Laurie and Mr. Scott were moved several years ago to take action in helping families, especially the children, coming to America from Africa. The Wheaton area has many pockets of refugee families who came here to escape war, famine, horror, really. Some of the stories are heart wrenching. So partnering with World Relief, Sonlight was born.

The children are mostly Muslim, the girls often coming with their heads covered. Games. crafts and art projects, lots of emphasis on reading and phonic skills and of course, the snacks are part of a typical morning. The summer program is five weeks long and runs Monday through Thursday. College church in Wheaton provides the classrooms and gym, volunteers provide the love. Our role is not in the realm of evangelizing; we are clearly instructed to respect their backgrounds and religious beliefs. We get to have fun, kick around soccer balls, listen to their stories when they want to share. And through it I believe the love of Christ shines.

The theme this year is Superheroes. And the kids are digging it. From all the fake superheroes, Spiderman, Superman, the Incredibles to real heroes, Annie Sullivan and Helen Keller, Martin Luther King, Pocahontas, the kids are learning about the traits of heroes...courage, honesty, perserverance. What a great way to spend my Tuesday mornings!

Mini heroes...

Are we having fun or what?

Here is Abdullahi. I love his smile...

This little guy is one of the youngest coming to the Sonlight summer program.

Last week at Pirates Cove, Arrggg...

Wheeee....

Maya flying down the dragon slide...

Paddle boy Denver

Choo, choo..

A Profound Gift

One of the wonderful commenters to my last blog opened my eyes to this reality. Laurie was a profound gift. And beyond that, my life is a profound gift and so is all that has happened in my life to this point. And the neat part is that all going forward is a profound gift as well.

Thinking about my meltdown the other night, I have come to realize that just standing in the pain once in a while is not a bad thing. It is still part of my process and I am okay with that. One of my old small group girls, Kim, now a young woman, recently wrote a blog http://simplyme322.blogspot.com/ entitled "Really". How am I really? Going through the stuff but still standing, still able to laugh and enjoy my life, appreciate beauty... really.

And now I am looking forward to the weekend. All righty then. Hot training walk tomorrow. The Overnight is less than four weeks away. 20 miles, oh man. Our team, Laurie's Legacy http://www.theovernight.org/index.cfm has reached the $6700 mark, but several on our team of 11 still need to get to the $1000 mark or come up with the difference themselves. I so believe in the importance of the work AFSP does. I like the idea that even a $10 donation helps save a life. That, too, is a profound gift.

Do you really want to know?

I can hardly take a full breathe right now. Driving home from a really nice dinner with friends, I was ambushed. Laurie's tape was playing; I was worried about Greg and family, Pete was out with good friends after work..

The sobbing started one block from the restaurant I was at and then all the way home...Will I ever breathe right again? Will I ever not miss her? I don't think so...Will this ever get easier? I hope so...

I had intended to blog about the Overnight...maybe tomorrow.

My God, Indeed....

Yesterday I went to counseling, an appointment made the week before when many flare-ups of anxiety, frustrations were digging into me. Amazing what a week can do! I almost was not sure how to start with Glenn. The sorting through process is laden with mine fields and then I come out in fields of flowers.

I am sitting here cooling down after walking on a path I have never walked before and it is only minutes from our house. This morning is beautiful, not too hot, sunny. I stretched and took off onto to an unchartered course. I ended up seeing little lakes I did not know existed, beautiful fields of flowers (next time I go, I'm bringing my flower book to identify) and occasional piles of dog poop (yuck, nasty dog owners.). Getting back into my car I passed the nursing home where Laurie used to work and saw that they are adding an addition to the building. She would have loved that...more new friends in her eyes, not more old people coming to die.

Perspective, perseverence, potential were my take aways from both the walk and my counseling appointment. New adventures, plan for the unplanned and occasional piles of dog poop. I think that sums it up. And the title today (Jim, I told you I was going to write about this.) comes from late last week when I was really burdened and praying while driving. Stuck in traffic with cars jockeying around for position, one car pulls in front of me and the license reads "My God 5" and then another car pulls along side in the next lane. This plate reads "Indeed 3". No significance in the numbers, but, wow, "My God, Indeed." I love how God actually gets answers to me in such bold ways.