No matter what...
No matter what, I will smile, I will move on, I will continue to love, I will continue to hope, I will continue to believe.
Just when I thought I had no more blogs, I know, no matter what, I will still have more to process. Last night we had the last of the Kristin 21st birthday celebrations. 36 relatives, Pete's ex in-laws, our family, Mary, Kristin's mom, all the assorted grandkids running around. A fun time at a restaurant, momentary disappointment that the giant balloons, a huge "2" and "1" had not made the ride to Wyncourt. Another family celebrating a birthday asked if we wanted their balloons to decorate our room. Cool how that was provided. But those gaping holes, no mom and dad, no Laurie...uggggghhhhhh. Again.
Good news to me that two (not to be named) family members are getting counseling. That huge cloud of worry about them is lifting a little bit. Pray, pray, pray, please.
Tonight was a perfect example of my new "normal". Business dinner out in Rockford with a co-worker, the Japanese president of one of the companies I rep for, a business associate I know is a believer and knows about Laurie, and the buyer from a company that is a huge new account for me. A good rep helps conversation move along with a disassociated group. I am doing just that, asking the buyer about his college freshman son and he tells us about the drowning death of one of his son's classmates. I can't look at Russ or John because I know I will see the pain they are feeling for me; instead I listen to the buyer express how upset his son is to have to deal with this death. Never mentioning Laurie, I can only say I know how hard that must be for one so young. In my head, I am screaming I KNOW! I KNOW!
And so, no matter what, I continue to believe I am here for a reason. I will press on.
posted by Barb K @ 10:00 PM
7 Comments:
Hey, Gail,
Thanks for your encouragement. No, not Shogun's. The place was Giovanni's. Obviously Italian but I had sushimi (seared tuna). The Japanese gentleman with us thought that was funny to have Japanese type food at an Italian restaurant.As dad would say," Ay so."
You mentioned Bill Hybels in a previous post...someone from my church gave me his tape on grieving. It was excellent. Do you attend his church?
Beautiful post...
It's so encouraging to see your thoughts and processing... just when it feels ok, something reminds you, hits you like a dodge ball. But never the less, you persevere. I am constantly inspired by you!
Anna
You are so here for a reason! I have no idea why you have to go through all this, but I know that God is using you as such a driving force and spiritual role model in my life and in bizillions of others. Thanks for being you. I love you big time!
To Kathleen,
Yes, I do go to Willow Creek Community Church and have for over 20 years. I am going to Grief Support at Willow right now and it is so good. Website for Willow is www.willowcreek.org
Warm regards, Barb K.
(bakpak2@comcast.net)
OOOOhhhh beautiful barb....you are so overflowing with grace and compassion...thank you so much for showing your heart and life once again...there are always more blogs in you...love you much!
Barb....
What an incredible testimony of God's strength through you. You are amazing and I thank God that he gives you the strength and courage to endure the most difficult of conversations and situations.
You know I think you are the best and will continue to hold you up in prayer. I just wish there was some way to eliminate those type of situations and yet I know the Lord is using you through them. Be strong my friend and know others carry the burden with you.
In HIs Love,
Eileen G.
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