10 days
It has been 10 days since we got the first call from Katie, actually at 2:00 AM. Monday March 6th ...from a police station. She was alive, she had not taken her life, by God's grace (does that sound strange?) she was arrested. More details than that are not necessary. Tommy, Pete and I went and got her and took her straight to the emergency room at NW Community hospital, the same hospital she gave birth to Nora and had left without her baby. The same place she had spent time in the psych unit many, many years ago. Where has this ten day journey led us to? Katie being in a safe place now, learning she is bipolar with several other factors including severe depression and post traumatic stress disorder. One psychiatrist has described her as being in a three month manic state. The change in her already is striking. She is looking more like Katie; she is smiling, she misses the kids and is involving herself in their lives again.
She is writing, journaling, reading. And this, she gave me yesterday when I visited her.
"Have you ever been broken? I don't mean the "cracked" kind, not the "pile of pieces" kind either. I mean the kind where you are a pile of dust and to rebuild is unfathomable...
Nearly...
I'm the dust. I'm the hammer that shattered everything. I'm the broom that nearly swept it all away.
And I'm here, knowing that it is from the dirt of the earth that comes beautiful flowers and bountiful harvests. With a lot of work, and a lot of faith, good can still come of me, from the dirty, dusty, broken pieces that are me..."
It hurts so much a mom to know the pain your children have experienced. I have recently reread Laurie's letter. I know Katie is trying to dig out of her pain. It is a smashing blow to my heart to know I can not relieve any of the pain my daughters have lived with. I can only ask Him to seal each of us with His healing touch.
posted by Barb K @ 10:58 PM
5 Comments:
Wow Barb. 10 days. 369 days. lots of days... hard days...
I am so glad you are seeing a sense of change... what a wonderful thing. I know it's but a step on a long journey but man - a huge step.
Know that we (& our cool pastors) are praying for all of you.
The journaling of Katie's is some profound & beautiful writing... the most beautiful part is the small strain of hope that is there. Hope is beautiful.
As a mother, I can only imagine how hard it must be to see your children go through such hard times.
Reading your blogs makes me wonder how my mom felt when I tried to take my own life. What was she thinking? The times she visited me in the psychiatric hospital...how she held herself together so she wouldn't upset me.
The strength you have is so admirable. You are an awesome woman, Barb. I mean that.
And Katies way with words is just...amazing! The way she describes what she is going through...I can totally relate to that.
The dr I saw diagnosed me with bipolar, ADD, depression and anxiety. When he told me that, I felt crushed. That seemed like SO much to handle. However, I am doing it. It takes time, but she will get to a better place. With the right medication, a supportive family and her inner strenght, she will be OK. And she has all of that.
hang in there! You are being prayed for down here in FL!
Barb,
So good to talk with you last night. As I was going into treatment last fall my friend told me that this time off from school was my "rebuilding time" referring to Nehemiah 2:11-18. It was my time to survey the damage and losses in my own life before I began to let God rebuild them. But the painful thing was-that first everything was shattered, like Katie described so beautifully.
Loving you.
I'm praying for you and Katie....
THINKING ABOUT YOU AND AM ALWAYS AMAZED BY YOUR STRENGH. LOVE YOU. MOLLY
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