Laurie's Stuff
Well, yesterday was the day we finally got Laurie's stuff back. We had been told that it could take up to one and a half to two years to get everything back from the IL Crime Lab and unless we knew the governor personally there was no way around this frustration.
God proved that wrong. We had asked for prayer in this and God answered. The right people, the right phone calls and the right letter to Supt. Phil Cline of CPD removed the obstacles. So yesterday Pete, Katie and Drew went through the six hour ordeal of paper signing , three different locations all over Chicago until all that we wanted back was collected. Three big boxes and a large plastic bag...everything from the Jeep and from the spot by the lake...
So hard to go through everything, touch her books, purse, read her to do lists, see her planner where she actually had written things she was going to be doing that Thursday, Friday...Ah, gee, Laur, what the heck? Where did you snap? How about that sweet note written to Scott on March 1st? What were you thinking? Why weren't you thinking?
No clues here...just the really sad knowledge that we will not know. We will not "get it." But I am thankful to have all that we wanted to get back. It is another part of working through this exhausting grief process. I can not even imagine how hard it would have been waiting two years to open up what I hope will be healing scars by then. So I have gratitude for the prayers of many who continue to hold us up, to pray us through each day. As painful as last night was, I am so proud of this family...Kristin, Katie digging in, crying, digging in some more. Tommy crying with Maya as she described what she had written in her "notes" to Munch. Pete just being the wonderful husband, father he is. Oh man, this is hard...
posted by Barb K @ 10:46 PM
10 Comments:
i'm praying for you and your family
I can not imagine how hard it was for you to go through Laurie's stuff. I know you were hoping to find some answers but unfortunately you got more questions. But God is good and through the prayers of many you were able to get her things back in record time and for that I am thankful. I love you guys. Take care and I will say hello to Mickey for you all. Love, Diane
Barb,
I admire your strength and courage throughout this entire heart-wrenching ordeal, but especially want to commend you for the way in which you have carried yourself throughout the past 2 1/2 months... I can imagine no greater pain than the loss of your own child, yet, throughout your grief you have never made this about you, as so many others have done in their blogs (you know who you are). Your feelings are genuine, your words are unrehearsed and you honor your daughter through your greiving, not asking for self-pity in return.
And thank you; thank you for not "slamming" all the people around you that have had different opinions than yours, or have chosen to speak out, as they are going through their own grieving process too, and "casting stones" only makes those throwing them, just as guilty as the one's they're accusing.
I pray that family members and friends will continue to be inspired by your courage and faith, and will come to live as Laurie did... without judgement and bitterness toward others. You have truly been blessed to have had 20 years of joy watching your child grow into the heart-felt, beautiful woman she modeled herself after... YOU!!
I am sure she is smiling down from heaven VERY PROUD!!!
May God Bless You Always...
Oh Barb, all I can say is that I Love you...more than words can express...I am so sorry...
Barb...I'm so sorry that you have to go through this process but I know in my heart that God will carry you through. You have such a beautiful family and your memories of Laurie will be those of a beautiful, caring, sensitive woman. Cherish what you do know and let go of what you don't have answers for. I can only image how difficult it is for you but I keep praying for all of you to be comforted and blessed.
In His Love,
EG
To Laurie's family and friends,
Have been keeping up with you amazing folks since early March via your incomparable blogs.
Forgive my straightforwardness, but I am utterly appalled by what was posted by "anonymous" at 9:43 am. How can ANY caring person critique or assess, for one millisecond, HOW another grieves?
So WHAT if raw, unabashed grief IS "all about me?" WHO appointed anonymous the Grief-monitor? And he/she appears to be taking names! How deeply offensive--rude--profoundly tasteless.
This was one Jim Dandy of a back-handed "thanks" to Barb, in my opinion. As a professional Christian counselor, may I suggest that such comments as "thank you for not slamming people" and "casting stones makes them just as guilty as the one's they're accusing" are NOT helpful. They are inflammatory comments and are far better left unsaid.
For mercy's sake, the insulting insinuation that certain members of Barb's family are soliciting self-pity, completely renders null and void the flattery "anonymous" offers her at the end of his/her destructive note.
Finally, to quote, "your feelings are genuine." I hardly know how to address this civilly. Where in Scripture do we find permission to label ANYONE's feelings as authentic or fake? I'm lost here. Someone please shed some light!
Dr. Debbi Dunlap
Jax, FL
Barb...
I xerox what Dr. Debbi said and bold face it and underline it too!
You have been inspiring but if you hadn't and had just written a different swear word for every entry... every day... or multiple swear words strung together... that would be just fine too! :)
I may still have found that inspiring, but I have issues :)
Love you! - Jackie
Barb - re: Psalm 17... here is verse 7 from The Message version... "Paint grace--graffiti on the fences; take in your frightened children who are running from the neighborhood bullies straight to you...." I thought it was so funny/ironic to see the word bully right there!
Barb,
Debbi Dunlap here. Quick question for you before heading off to church. (My husband's interim pastoring a small Baptist church in Gainesville about an hour from here so it's earlier out the door for us these days.) Is there anyway I could send you a brief private email question re: an upcoming women's conference at our church here in Jax? I've no doubt your inbox is innundated, so if that doesn't work, I can ask you here. Not a problem. When it's a convenient moment for you to answer, either here or at dunlapfamily@hotmail.com, I'd be very grateful. Thanks and blessings. -Deb
Barb,
Let me say I admire you and your family! My son was killed in a motorcycle accident he was 25, and I love him so, he was my baby and I grieve for him every day. although our situations are different, we have both lost children, It hurts more than anyone can realize. NO ONE has any idea of the pain you are in unless they have lost a child. I have learned that its ok to hurt, be angry. It all sneaks up and hits you when you least expect it. there is no right way or wrong way to grieve.
I had to pack my sons stuff from his apartment,(although not the same again) but the emotions, the questions the pain feels like it was yesterday and you have the why questions all over again. my sons accident was a freak thing, just went for a ride around the block, only to end his life, and change ours forever. My heart is broken, I will never see my son get married or grandchildren.
I have bitterness toward certain people also, and you know what..its ok!! know why? because obviously they did not know you, your family or Scott and the love and laughter you all shared, if they did they would not have been and continue to be hurtful. They are jealous because they were not a part of your lives, and obviously they don't belong in your lives either.
I am not a religious person, but I do believe in God. and I believe that God wanted my son his time here was done, and it didn't matter if he was on his motorcycle or not , God was going to take him that day. He is in a beautiful place helping us every day, he is with me and always will be. I had his ashes put in a heart
for myself and my daughter, we wear them everyday, it helps to have him close to me.
sorry I know I rambled..But I wanted you to know, how you and your family help me every day getting through this. knowing I am not alone, Hearing your side, and your daughter Katie. My daughter misses her brother so, Katie helps me see what my daughter is going through.
so I guess I just wanted to say thank you for your help!
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