The Real Deal

Makes no sense but I am really in a good mood right now. I am in this nice house with this nice husband with a nice glass of wine. ( Well known fact about me: I am a big fan of wine-in-a-box.) I have been playing the CD from Jackie a lot these last few days; a CD she made for several women friends experiencing some huge trials. Every Season by Nicole Nordeman is one of the songs on the CD. Everytime I hear it I think of Cheryl singing that song at my mom's memorial breakfast and I get teary. Truth be told, I often find myself thinking, " I want my mom!!!" It would be so good to have her here right now with her wry little smile letting me know she totally believes in me.

The other song that has been huge for me is Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns. (Drew, if you are really cool, you could put that cool link thing on here for me. Note: I feel like I should swear or something here, based on Drew's blog about women but I'll let it go.) Anyway, the other night I cranked that song so loud, Greg and Cheryl probably heard it in Texas.

The chorus goes:
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.

So yeah, it makes no sense. Katie's future is still uncertain. I have lost a beautiful daughter to suicide. I went through a divorce I never wanted. My mom, dad and sister are gone, too, but I still think my life has meaning and I can not wait to see what tomorrow holds. I have a future and a hope. I have dreams and a wicked sense of humor that makes me smile. I have all these great kids and grandkids and friends and family. I have a job that I actually like a lot. So the real deal is life is good and I am very, very grateful.

Added at 7:00 AM Thursday: And so today I decided it is time to start walking again. The Overnight is in August and I'm doing it. I didn't walk long, maybe 20 minutes but I was not 15 feet out of the house when I heard all the birds singing. And the loudest and clearest? A beautiful cardinal perched at the very top of a nearby tree. I can feel the endorphins (sp?) popping...