If only I knew what to do...
Should I pray more? Should I use more logic? Should I scream? Should I just give up? I am burnt out...I cry every day and have for the last month. And it's not about Laurie, at least most of the time. It is over Katie. I feel like I am losing another daughter but this time in slow motion. Oh God, I am so mad at You. How can this be? How can we not reach her? How can You not reach her? What is this?
I am an investigator; I read and read and collect data. I make notes; I underline. I can see patterns. I can see why this has happened to her. I see history. I see heredity patterns. My latest books: "When Someone You Love is Depressed : How to Help Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself" and "Understanding Depression" and "New Hope for People with Bipolar Disorder" and "A Brilliant Madness : Living with Manic-Depressive Illness". I listen to others stories. And I pray and pray and ask for prayer. I pray for her, I pray for Tommy, I pray for those innocent, sweet kids, I pray for her psychiatrist, I pray for her counselor, I pray for us not to go over the edge. I pray for every stinking demon to be bound. I pray for God's amazing redemptive power to reclaim her. Are you there, God? Do you hear? It's me, Barb...
posted by Barb K @ 11:00 PM
9 Comments:
Barb,
While I never experienced Bipolar disorder, severe depression became my life after my aunt died. It changes your world, and you can't see clearly. In a lot of ways, it was like losing my hope and my will to make it through. BUT....my family prayed without ceasing, my friends prayed without ceasing...and even when I had turned my back on God, and they all felt like he wasn't listening...He found me. He pulled me out of my mess, and He showed me how to have true joy again. I am a firm believer that prayer can heal and that Katie will make it through this...that she will come out of it even stronger than she was going in. Please know that I join you in your prayer without ceasing. "Lo, I am with you always, says the Lord."
Femmie
Barb...I'm praying. Remember, if our names are written in "The Book of Life", nothing can change that. God is not going to let Katie go but he may allow her time to grow, which can be very painful to watch as a Mom. Trust and believe that He will not "leave you (or Katie)or forsake you." He is there, He is just saying wait. If I can do anything to help you, please don't hesitate to ask.
In His Love,
Eileen G.
Mmmmm, those are some hard questions. Really hard. You are reading some great books. Not that they give any miracle answers but will certainly deepen your understanding in a huge way. Bipolar is reeeaalllyyy hard. The best thing I was reminded of about it lately by a therapist is how "regular" it is... in the sense of the ups and downs and the cycle. There is some hope in that... and mainly in meds I think. I think what I have after being diagnosed with a million things is cyclothymia - kind of like a low-grade fever version of bipolar. It took a really good psychiatrist a few years to find the meds that literally changed my life. Stabilized me. So, just saying that although I am sure it doesn't feel remotely possible - the hope is there. Ask Eve what a pain in the ass I was :)
I will pray for the same... (your list of prayers) and for wisdom and discernment... & miracles. Love you Barb!
Barb, this seems JUST like what Denny did to YOU so many years ago, Katie is doing to Tommy and those awesome, beautiful, so fully wanted kids. It is not right. I pray for Satan to be bound and for Katie to realize how totally Jesus wants her on His side. I am praying for you Barb, for Katie, and for poor Tommy. He doesn't deserve this. I hope Katie sees how this hurt her when Denny left. And that she doesn't want herself to hurt her kids the same terrible way. God be with you guys.
Can you please tell us if Katie will be blogging any more... I would really like to offer her some words of encouragement, and the link doesn't seem to be working??
To anonymous of Jan. 24. Katie took her blog down Saturday, and although that makes me sad, I understand it. Several comments left were tough and as she is processing, the judgement calls were too hurtful. On the other hand, the encouragement was so helpful. If you care to, you can always email me at bakpak2@comcast.net and I can forward them to here or you can leave them here on my blog. The positive side is that Katie preserved all of her blogs and the comments in a Word file. She has a huge talent for writing and if some day we ever compile our blogs into a literary history of Laurie's death and aftermath, Katie's words will be a huge part of that. Thanks. Barb
Although comments can often be harsh, it is both the positive and constructive (less flattering) criticism that helps to mold each and every one of us and I'm sorry Katie felt the need to disable her blog. Overcoming the challenges others throw upon us is what truly gives us the strength to live in the real world. Maybe one day a stronger Katie will begin blogging again.
Hoping so...Barb
Barb...I'm praying for ALL of you right now! God DOES hear you, and your prayers will be answered. I have suffered through depression and I know what it's like, but I made it through, and so will Katie! I've never met Katie face-to-Face, but I read ALL of her Blogs, and I know she'll realize that God, and her wonderful family can get her through this! I think about you often, and hope to talk soon...All my Love and Prayers, In Him, Dana F.
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