Can I just take a pass for a while? This is the last night Katie will be staying here, she moves to her new apartment tomorrow with the guy who is the father of the twins. There, it's out and I feel better, I think.
This weekend was part fun, going to see "Wicked" with Christa, Mandy and Heidi and ending with dinner with Chris and Hayden and Reece. Talking to Greg on SKYPE Friday night was good. Hard parts for me this weekend were coming to grips with the future...a future without Laurie, a future where some of my grandkids have to deal with a new reality in their lives, an uncertain future with the myriad of health issues for Katie and the twins. Pete's mom home from the hospital but not in great shape. I have at least three big issues at work that need my attention. I feel like a limp squeezed out dishrag right now. Throw me into the corner of the sink and let me rest there.
But before I go to my stainless steel refuge, let me wish Tommy, a most amazing son-in-law, ( and actually right now, my only son-in-law) a happy birthday. Tommy, I believe with all my heart God is going to bless you. I know your pain and I see your heart, you so not wanting to be bitter. There are good things in store for you and for the kids. Press on Mr. 34.
posted by Barb K @ 10:48 PM
18 Comments:
Dearest Barb,
It is Jackie and Shelly here... We listened to your message and are saddened for you :( We love you tons and are wishing we could be there for you! You are freaking awesome. We talked about Pete and his yummy raspberry margaritas tonight... Miss you guys & love you -- Press on, Jackie & Shelly
also... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMMY! You are AWESOME!
Happy Birthday Tommy!!
Happy birthday, Tommy. Hope you like the stuff we made for you this weekend, and don't forget, the coupons never expire! Let the year of Payton begin...
Thinking of you during this difficult time.
Dearest Barb,
I pray that God will pour His peace down on you. May He grant you peace beyond all understanding that He is still in control and He will carry you through. I hold Tommy and the children up in prayer, that they will forever love God and look only to Him for guidance. I pray that Katie will find peace and love in her new life and that she will look to God to guide her life. His will be done.
A friend
From the long time I've been reading yours and your family's blogs, I have learned so so much from you. Thank you for that. You all demonstrate grace, forgiveness, love, pride and so many more things that are so valuable in the journey of life.
You are in my thoughts...and I know that everything will fall into place for you. Bless all of you!
I am so sorry, Barb about everything...but I know you are strong and can get through anything!!! I know we have never met, but you are a true inspiration to me!!
And yes, happy birthday Tommy!!
Jenna, former BG resident
Oh Barb, I hurt for your hurts.:( This has got to be so hard for you. I can only say I learned from my biggest mistake, when I left Buzzy to have a 'new' life. Ha ha. It was so hard, I was so selfish and stupid, and tho I learned a lot, I made so many bad choices. I beg Jesus to forgive me to this very day. Family is so important. I see the ache in the kids faces everyday at work. When they say.."I wish my mommy lived with daddy and me." Or the one I hate the most.."Today I go to Mommy's house tomorrow I go to Daddy's house." Those poor little confused children. I am praying for you and Tommy and the kids. And for Katie to make good choices and have good health. I love you Barb. And Happy Birthday Tommy!!!!
Oh Barb, my heart still hurts for your family but I still pray for you every day. I am thankful that God has blessed me with your friendship. I will also be praying for Katie's and the twins' health.
I hope Tommy has an extremely wonderful birthday!
Love you tons,
Meg
Just letting you know that I am going to try and start blogging again. My new blog is...
http://fabfamofthree.blogspot.com/
hugs and prayers,
Kim
Barb--you are the brightest and fluffiest sponge in the drawer NEXT to the sink!! Don't ever refer to yourself as the wrung-out rag.
You continue to amaze and dazzle me with your strength and spirit. As long as God is with you, you will never be down. Bless you for the unconditional devotion you bestow on your children and everyone else who ebbs into your life in one way or another. I do not believe you are human...actually seems like you are levels above the rest of us.
Keep your head held high. Continue your journey and God will lead your way down His path!
-Camille
Dear Barb,
I came upon you blog in search of my own.
After reading, I found one thing that startled me!
You have lost one of your children...BUT you still have others.
Why do you find it necesary to belittle Katie's decisions and appear so cold to her.
I know what it is like to lose a sibling, I lost 3 brothers, parents, my husband, and several friends over the years.
THE ONE thing I do know from those experiences is that you cherish what you have and thank GOD that you still have time with them!
As a mom myself,I want my child to do what is best for him...SAFE for him, but we have our lives, they have thiers....we can continue to hope for rainbow in thier everyday,but, as you already are aware, our children lead thier life through our examples.Isn't time for you to accept your daughter, Katie, on her merits as a woman, Mom, friend and mostly, DAUGHTER! I'm sure if you were a little more open to her choices, and give her the love she needs through this difficult time, you will never regret it. She is your child,given to you by God, how could she ever disappoint you?
Last Anonymous, Barb has ever right to be frustrated with Katie..after all this is Katie's past laundry list of life events taken from a poster on her website..
• I’m a teenager. I’m confused and starved for attention and rebellion. I give birth to a healthy, beautiful, innocent girl. I give her up for adoption. I’m plagued by guilt and longing.
• I’m confused and starved for attention and rebellion. I decide to marry a woman.
• I’m desperate to fill the hole in my heart. I decide my needs are more important than anyone else’s so I am artificially inseminated and give birth to a healthy, beautiful, innocent son.
• I’m not confused anymore, I decide not be with a woman.
• I’m too weak to be a single mother. I tell a good man I love him. He turns his life inside out to be with me and loves and cares for my son as his own.
• I still feel empty, I decide another baby will help. Being a good Christian, I can’t have another bastard so we hurry up and get married. I give birth to a healthy, beautiful, innocent girl.
• I still feel empty, I’m sure I just need one more baby and I will be whole and happy. I give birth to a healthy, beautiful, innocent son.
• My family and I suffer the devastating, tragic loss of my sister to suicide.
• I deal with this loss by causing my family and friends more pain. I withdraw and reek verbal abuse on all who reach out to help.
• I ask for help from all who know me to care for my children while I take some time for healing.
• I spend this time living with and lying to friends, partying and being unfaithful to my husband.
• I live off of our credit card, rack up thousands of dollars in debt and don’t tell my husband.
• I decide my grief, guilt and pain are more important than anyone else’s.
• I decide my family hasn’t suffered enough.
• I get drunk and drive with the intention of killing myself with no regard for others on the road.
• I fail.
• I am arrested and institutionalized.
• I decide my mother hasn’t suffered enough. I leave the institution and live with her.
• I continue to be unfaithful to my husband. I become pregnant for the fifth time in my 27 years.
• I am depressed. I am bipolar. I am plagued with guilt.
• I decide my husband and children haven’t suffered enough.
• I decide I need to feel better about myself and own up to my vows and responsibilities.
• My husband gives me a second chance. He knows the children I’m carrying are not his but loves me and wants to keep our family together.
• I am depressed. I am bipolar. I am plagued with guilt.
• I continue to be unfaithful to my husband.
• I decide my family hasn’t suffered enough. I decide my needs are more important than my family and my vows.
• I ask my husband for a divorce.
• I decide that even though I am mentally ill and have done despicable, deceitful, horrible, dangerous, self-destructive things I deserve to have joint custody of our children.
• I decide that living with the father of my unborn children in one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in Chicago is a good idea and a great place to bring my other children on their weekend visits.
• I decide I haven’t caused my husband enough pain. I decide his birthday is a good day to move my stuff out of our house for the second time. I decide that isn’t enough. I decide his birthday is also the best day to finally come clean and tell “the truth” to everyone on my blog. After all, it’s no big deal. What the heck, whatever, I think I’ll use bullet points.
• I am depressed, I am bipolar, I am plagued with guilt. I am an adulteress.
Those items most likely have something to do with Barb's lack of HAPPY attitude. GIVE HER A BREAK! I'm praying for her and her many grandkids who are affected by the sins of their mother and using bipolar as a crutch sometimes.
Hmmm,
It is not too often that I get involved with comments that are left. A blog is a public forum and anyone can leave a comment. I just could not let Anonymous 6:31 go without responding. Anyone who knows us would let you know I love being a mom, probably God's highest calling for a woman. I love ALL my children with an unconditional ferocity. I am not sure where you came up with me being cold to Katie or belittling her. You have no idea of the love, time, energy, money, emotion, prayer invested in Katie by me and our family. And at every point, no matter how crazy, how hard, how sad a situation I, probably more than anyone, have stood for Katie. And Katie knows it. She knows no matter what, I love her with all my heart. She is my beautiful red haired daugher and nothing changes that.
So thanks for the off base advise. I am betting you have not read all our blogs. If you had, you would know that our family, though touched by tragedy, many tragedies, is still a family that clearly loves one another.
Hoping this is clear and I am showing some grace.
Barb
PS You spell thier "their". Sorry, I was yearbook editor in high school.
One more thing. Disappointment in a child's decisions is not ungodly. I am pretty sure God is disappointed in us every day yet He still loves us. Enough said.
Barb,
I feel anyone you can't use their name when leaving a comment shouldn't leave one at all. If you can't show who you are then you have something to hide or ashamed of what you are leaving on Barb's blog. For those of you who are commenting that are lurkers and don't know Barb personally you have no right to judge so keep your stupit, useless comments to your self. As for those of you that do know Barb or Katie and want to judge well first take a good look in the mirror and judge yourself. This blog isn't hear to be little people or put people down. Yes Katie may have made mistakes, yes katie may have caused her family great pain, but what you don't understand is Katie has been dignoised with a mental illness. Unless you personally have a family memeber with mental illness and can understand don't even begin to give your opinion of the situation. I personally do have a family member suffering from the same thing as Katie and know exactly what Barb is going through, but I'd rather e-mail that to Barb myself then have some no good idiots leave nasty judgemental comments on here. So to all you anonymous people who can't show their real self but leave no good messages "Take a good look in the mirror!"
Love ya Barb!
dear barb,
we have all benefitted from your extravagant love often and gratefully; my deep abiding desire is to be the same snapshot of life-givng grace with my girlies. how would i have turned to god without his correction? without knowing i had missed the mark and understanding to my joy that there is not condemnation but acceptance and love?
it is no wonder you are so weary; yet continue to lavish love and hope and longing on the stray one because that is what god has done with every one of us. for the one forgiven cannot help but forgive again and again.
i am glad that you are not ruffled, but i'm not surprised.
with love
Dear Barb,
Wow. What else is there to say. It's odd how we gain this sense of familiarity simply by reading words on a page. I truly feel as if I know you and your family. And I have been blessed because of that. I have learned so much about strength, grace, humility, and unconditional love by simply reading your writings. I want you to know that.
I also hope that you know that for every person out there that is willing to attack you and yours, there are at least ten others, probably more, who are willing to form a hedge of protection around your family with prayer and love.
And for those that do attack, I have to wonder, if they know and serve the same God that I do. Because if they do, they would know that we are to build up one another in Christ. Not to tear each other down...that is the work of the enemy. We must be careful not to let him use us for his evil deeds. Also, I know that we are commanded to remove the beam from our own eyes, before we point out our brothers, or sisters, splinters. And one more thing...I do believe that Christ said, "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone." I know I, for one, have a list of sins (bulleted or otherwise listed) several miles long. If it weren't for the blood that covers all of our sins, I would be in a heap of misery. I don't mean to preach...I'm certainly guilty of being judgemental at times, but I just hate to see it done to a woman who obviously tries so hard to be a Godly woman. People, put your energy elsewhere. Leave this precious family alone.
Happy belated Birthday, Tommy. May you be strengthened and encouraged in this new year.
God bless,
Tracie
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