How I know God is...

Sometimes at Grief Support we wrestle with the reality of God. I know He is real but I must be sensitive to the hurting parents in the group as they question where was God when their child died. Why didn't He show up then? It is always tough but almost always we come to the conclusion that God does show Himself, even in the midst of tragedy. And He continues to show up on the long journey of healing.

Saturday Laurie would have been 24 years old. I can only imagine the vibrant young woman, maybe married with kids, she might have been. It was not 5 seconds after waking that I remembered it was June 7th, her birthday. Laurie and I both loved to remind people weeks earlier that our birthday was coming. It was an ongoing joke. No joking Saturday but I was happy to be going to Willow Creek Church to volunteer at the fishing derby hosted by Willow for kids and adults with physical and mental disablilities. Pete was busy stilt walking and I was part of the farewell team. At check-in I stood, literally on the same spot where Laurie's casket had been three years earlier in Room 100. There are a few hundred volunteers at this event; the first person I really got in conversation with, someone I had never met, it turns out knew Laurie from Starbucks and was one of her regulars. This lady, Gayle, said she was inspired by the way Laurie always had a smile and remembered not only her order but what was going on her life. Gayle told me she was not able to go back to that Starbucks for three months after La's death. She loved Laurie. God put Gayle on my team on purpose.

A few hours later I am standing with Tyler, a mentally challenged young man. We joked back and forth and I finally asked how old he was. 24 was his answer. Same as Laurie. Laurie would have connected with Tyler. During the same hours as the fishing derby, the funeral of a 19 year old sweet girl who had grown up at Willow and had died earlier in the week was going on. I have felt the anguish of this family knowing what lies ahead. I thought of them many times in those hours. When I finally went back to my car, I peered into a leftover goodie bag given to me to share with my grandkids. The first item was a box of dominoes and as God would do, a small picture of a cardinal is shown on the box signifying the manufacturer. A cardinal, God's little reminder to me, He will always be there with me. As I drove down the long driveway, I had hot tears streaming down my face, sadness at losing Laurie, joy at knowing God will never let go, determination that I will share with this family just saying goodby to their daughter a sense of hope. A starbucks coffee and pink balloons launched, calls, emails and text messages reminded my how fortunate I was to have Laurie and how fortunate I am to have caring family and friends.

This a line from the obituary of the young woman just passed: "The agony of losing her in no way diminishes the privilege of loving her." I am reminded again of that privilege we had to treasure Laurie and her life.