From my heart

Remembering Laurie today and every day...

2011-03-02T07:32:00.000-06:00

An unexpected gift on the 5 year anniversary...

2010-03-05T17:19:00.002-06:00

I still miss this face so much.

2010-03-03T07:42:00.000-06:00

2010-02-25T23:19:00.001-06:00

The Journey, the hope...

2010-02-24T16:05:00.002-06:00

Last blog was written as Pete and I were beginning a new phase of our marriage, thankfully, a great phase. We were able to take a getaway, get-reacquainted vacation to FL where we stayed with wonderful friends who nurtured us. We revisited Disney World where we had gone on our honeymoon. How appropriate was that! And then we returned to IL to start the countdown to Kristin's wedding.

I can not pretend there were not hard times in the planning and executing many details, wishing, knowing that Laurie should have been here. She would have been such a vital part. Kristin did something very wonderful...she named Laurie her Maid of Honor, in memorium. She put a wonderful tribute in their wedding knot website, included Laurie on the wedding program. During the actual ceremony, I was fine. It was the picture taking and the party after that led to occasional pangs of missing Laur. The one thing I had determined in my mind early on was that being wistful or meloncholy about Laurie was not going to happen to dampen anyone else's spirit. The plans, the day, were about Kristin, beautiful Kristin and of course, her new husband, Sean. I think that was accomplished.

Kristin asked me in the early planning stages if I could be responsible for doing the flowers, red roses, for the entire wedding. I love this kind of stuff and could not have been happier, securing vases, feathers, ribbons, wire, helpers to pull everything off. Dear wonderful friends and family made themselves available to prepare 400 roses that arrived from Ecuador on Wednesday, Feb. 17th. Thursday night 37 table centerpieces and 12 bouquets were created and by Karen, Karen and Lisa while we were at the rehearsal. How awesome to come back home and see all they had done in love for us. And 7:45 AM the morning of the wedding, wonderful Karen P. showed up to learn how to make 13 boutonieres, complete with special black and white pin feather, fancy coordinated ribbon and green floral tissue. Maya, the cherubic flower girl was right there helping too. I saved making Kristin's bouquet for me to do...

A small sterling silver flip flop charm, a little rhinestone "L" on a silver heart charm and a silver fleur de Lis charm were wired into the bouquet with out really being visible, just there...probably 25 to 30 roses created the bouquet Kristin said was exactly right. All aspects of the wedding, to me at least, seemed perfect. Kristin could not have been any more beautiful, Pete could not have been any prouder as FOB, father of the bride. Many, many wonderful memories were created...just missing Laurie the only missing piece.

And today, wedding let down has settled in and Pete patiently listened as I tried to express where I was. I think even in those moments Pete began praying for me. It was as I drove today, God showed up to soothe me. The random order of the songs on my CD player in the car spoke to me. Never Give Up by David Crowder was first, Rascal Flats' Beautiful Song, started the tears, only for me to spy the car behind me, a black Jeep. Every song had meaning and again God went out of His way to arrange black Jeep, after black Jeep at just the right moment. I have to smile when this happens. It is NOT random, it is specific to me and God knows it. I love that about God. He shares my sadness and then brings to my mind the reason I am so lucky to have had Laurie for 20 years. To not have had her would have been so much worse, to have missed that bright, shining smile; to not have had a tape filled with her singing worship songs, to not have had beautiful memories...

2009-12-07T07:19:00.000-06:00

39 nine days ago...

2009-12-07T07:10:00.003-06:00

Thirty nine days ago Pete and I hit a big wall. I had a sinking feeling our marriage could be over. A few trusted friends and family members knew and I believe they went into ultimate prayer mode.

Meeting with our old counselor who we went to when Laurie first died and meeting with one of our most dear friend couples got us upright. We were steered to a book and concept "Love and Respect" and began to dig in. I have had a huge heart change and so has Pete. Now we are standing...in love.

We are almost back in a honeymoon stage. God has led us through some deep waters and we are resting comfortably in His arms, thanking him for building us into a stonger than ever couple. I am grateful beyond words.

This holiday season gives me more reasons than ever to appreciate the birth of His Son, Jesus!

Animoto.com

2009-11-24T09:33:00.001-06:00

Wow! 85% don't make it?

2009-10-30T22:46:00.002-05:00

I just sneezed eight times . What does that mean? And what does the statistic that 85 % of marriages that sustain the loss of a child, don't make it, mean?

I am trying to field a curve ball right now. Will you pray?

Four and a half years...

2009-09-01T21:52:00.002-05:00

Though I don't blog much anymore, I still see this as my place to process my emotions and the grief journey. I still participate as a child loss small group leader at Grief Support at Willow Creek. However, we have been off for the summer and I am feeling the need to get back.

Through this summer, I attended the wake of a young girl who died by suicide, I participated in the Overnight walk, fundraiser for suicide prevention and heard of several other suicides. I still shake myself once in a while and have to tell myself, yes, Laurie really died. She really took her own life. As we took part in weddings this summer, I often thought Laurie should be here, where is she? Isn't that crazy that after four and a half years (exactly on Sept 2nd.) I still cannot believe it sometimes that I don't have that funny, beautiful girl here with me?

Today as I drove, I welled up thinking of her, missing her. Does a mom ever get over the loss of a child? I don't think so. Sure, the sharp gnawing pain subsides. It's when I see photos of her friends on Facebook and scan those faces, she's not smiling back. When Katie's two year old twins see pictures of Aunt Munch, but have no clue, I sigh.

My hope comes from my faith. That sure knowledge that she is safe and smiling in that realm we somehow conject is heaven. She's there...I'm at peace with that.

The Overnight 2009

2009-06-28T12:13:00.000-05:00

We stretched...

2009-06-28T12:12:00.000-05:00

Lake Michigan, the eerie reminder...

2009-06-28T12:11:00.000-05:00

Me and Aimee, pre walk.

2009-06-28T12:10:00.000-05:00

Ah, the Overnight...

2009-06-28T11:48:00.002-05:00

The Overnight for AFSP American Foundation for Suicide Prevention was last night. I trained, I more than met my financial goal, (Thank you so much) and I think I did what I set out to accomplish: Continue the awarenenss that suicide and mental illness not being stigmitized. And that again, I remember what an awesome daughter, sister, friend Laurie was.

AFSP does an amazing work. Just seeing the two thousand or so folks at Soldier Field always hits so hard. The honor beads around each neck, signifying the loss or reason each walked. White for child loss, gold for parent loss, blue for the cause, etc. It was so God-coordinated when standing among all these people with Aimee, I noticed the woman in front of me, whose face I could not see, was wearing a white necklace. I knew the pain she had felt losing a child without having to see her. Then I noticed her back pack on the ground with a plastic sleeve attached with photos of several young people...there was Laurie's face among them.! "Hey, who is this in front of me?" I thought. turns out it was my sweet friend from Grief Support who had been in my Child Loss group two years ago. So good to meet up with her...

Though rains and thunderstorms were predicted, we walked bravely off after a beautiful Opening ceremony. The heat caused sweat to drip into my newly operated on cataract eye. (Not good follow up treatment.) It was when the rains actually started that I felt I had done what I hoped for and had no regrets when Pete and Joanne and Mike who were there to cheer us on part way through the Walk, drove soggy me back to my car. Not completing the entire Walk this year seemed to be the wise choice for me. I am ready to keep walking towards hope for a day when no one chooses suicide over life!

Happy 25th Birthday, Laurie! We miss you.

2009-06-06T23:33:00.000-05:00

So she would have been 25 today...

2009-06-06T23:27:00.002-05:00

Today sweet Laurie would have been 25 years old. It is so hard to imagine what our lives would be like if she were still with us. I know she would be flipping out because her sister, Kristin just got engaged. She would be so thrilled that Greg, Cheryl and Brooke were home for a visit from Malaysia. We would be making plans for Slumberfest 2009, the giant family sleepover, coming next week.

It is just hard to imagine. Those ripples caused be both her joy and compassion and her decision to take her life have impacted so many in so many ways. I just miss her...

I'm walking, I'm walking, I'm breathing...

2009-05-30T12:38:00.001-05:00

Slumberfest 2007. Breakfast at the tree house.

2009-05-30T12:36:00.000-05:00

Feasting...on love of family.

2009-05-30T12:31:00.000-05:00

Slumberfest breakfast. Yum!

2009-05-30T12:29:00.000-05:00

2009-05-30T12:25:00.000-05:00

To breath again...

2009-05-30T11:42:00.002-05:00

Saturday morning, I am still in my pj's and proud of it. Today, May 30th, 2009, would have been my mom's 80th birthday. It has been almost five years since she's been gone and I still miss her. I can imagine her smiling at all the "shenanigans" I find myself a part of...swinging on my back yard swing with Denver spinning me and little Kylie til we laugh and get dizzy. And then putting ice on Maya's tetter totter wound. (It is amazing to us that this is the first real wound on the seesaw of death.) I honestly do not remember my mom ever volunteering to take all my kids overnight ever. I know she was happy to see us when we came over, and she let the kids do pretty much whatever while there, but ask to keep them overnight, nope. Hmmm, I have veered far from that philosophy. Most weekends at least three to five grandkids are here along with Katie and it's a bit of a three ring circus. I like it that way!

And to breath again...The past six months, to the day, have been a time of mentally holding my breath. Thursday was a day covered in prayer by many, many friends and those prayers were answered in a great way! I literally feel a load off my brain. I am getting oxygen again! What a terrific feeling. The summer does not loom in a scary way anymore. We can make plans. Hooray for that.

So now I can eagerly anticipate the arrival of Greg and Cheryl and Brooke from Malaysia next week. I can look forward to the upcoming bridal showers and graduation party, Slumberfest 2009, the AFSP BBQ throwdown next Sunday, Day at the Races to benefit the Cradle, a cherished place for our family. I can plant my tomato plants and basil and cilantro and know I will be able to tend to each with a light heart. I will walk 20 miles in the AFSP Overnight on June 27th and think about Laurie and be grateful that there have been no more losses to suicide in this family. I am breathing. We all are breathing! Sweet.

PS I have been able to pass my goal of $1000 for the Overnight. My wonderful walking partner, Aimee, still needs to reach that goal or she will have to come up with the remainder herself. Please consider going to her page and making any size donation.
http://www.theovernight.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=extranet.personalpage&confirmid=10013820

Proud mom and dad with the sweetest son, Greg.

2009-05-09T09:13:00.001-05:00

2009-05-09T09:12:00.000-05:00

Mother's Day 2009

2009-05-09T08:56:00.002-05:00

Today I officially have been a mother for 40 years. Greg is forty today. I still remember the pregnancy, the labor, delivery of a beautiful little red haired baby boy. Because he was born just before Mother's Day that year, the nurse brought him to me wrapped in the little striped blanket (the one that you still see today.) with a red rose with a baby blue ribbon tied to it, laying across his swaddled little self. Instant love! The most incredible wash of emotion came over me. This is MY baby; I had a baby! I am a mom!

What a ride as a mom. Being a mom, I still think is the most wonderful job/blessing in the world. My journey is not at all what I thought it would be that May 9th, 1969. The twists and turns, the exreme joys, the extreme sorrows, have continued to shape me. I can not change the past but I can choose to go forward with God's patient guidance and embrace the future.

Please click on Greg's blog and read his wonderful timeline of his life thus far. It made me cry, tears of wonder. This is MY baby; I had a baby! I am a mom!

To my kids, forgive me for all the mistakes I have made. To the rest of my family, I thank you for your love. To Pete, thank you for sticking with me on this journey. 20 years, Wow! To God, thank you from my heart.

Happy Mother's Day. May you be as blessed as I have been.

Am I still out there?

2009-04-29T16:45:00.002-05:00

The last commentor on the "Awwww" picture asked just that. It can be taken two ways: Am I OUT there? Like, yeah, I am way out there :) or Am I out there? like "Am I still blogging?" The irony is that as I was driving today I could feel a blog boiling up inside me. I hate that I had to really rein in what I was truly feeling and experiencing in my blog because "bullies" were creating conflict. Much of what I write now is light or a picture review (still valuable to friends and family, I hope) but the gut of me is curtailed.

Someday I will get back to real blogging but right now, there is still concern and worry. Suffice it to say, the last four months have been excruciating. I wonder why I have lost ten pounds with out really trying and I know. It's the famous "Grief Diet". The one you can't write a book about because the causes of grief are so awful: death, divorce, suicide, cruelty, and on and on. And all of ones I just listed have been going on in the lives of people near and dear to me. Death: the sister and two nieces of my sweet friend. Divorce: One of our closest guy friends is being dragged through this pit. Suicide and attempts: Too many. Cruelty: At least four different men who are batterers, violent tempered, alcoholic and threatening bullies to women I know.

The bullies are ones I have such disdain for. I hate bullies. Is that too strong a word? I think because I love, I must also be able to hate. It is so abhorent that someone thinks they can control another by their horrific words, their accusations, almost always false, and their violence. Two recent news stories in IL rang too close. One, the mother whose two young sons were killed by the deranged father who then killed himself, pleaded with the courts not to allow unsupervised visits. A judge denied her requests and now they are gone. The other, another deranged man, killed the sister of his girlfriend and her father and her grandmother. Their funerals are tomorrow. Is it drugs, mental illness, alcohol, a lousy upbringing? I don't know but the numbers just continue to grow. I can't believe the thoughts I have in thinking of ways to make these people go away.

All I know for now is that God sees and knows and hears the prayers of those who are threatened. He, in His time, will make all things right. I am reminded of Romans 8:28, Katie's verse.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purposes."

May it be so.

Awwww..

2009-04-14T08:09:00.000-05:00

Too fun.

2009-04-14T08:08:00.000-05:00

My lamb cake, cute, huh?

2009-04-14T08:07:00.000-05:00

Happy birthday, Pete.

2009-04-14T08:05:00.000-05:00

Lamb cake eater Reece.

2009-04-14T08:04:00.001-05:00

Yum, Izzy loves the rolls.

2009-04-14T08:02:00.000-05:00

Let the feasting begin.

2009-04-14T08:01:00.000-05:00

Beautiful girlies.

2009-04-14T08:00:00.000-05:00

More Easter goodies!

2009-04-14T07:59:00.001-05:00

Eggs Goldenrod, yippee!

2009-04-14T07:58:00.000-05:00

Now that is cute...Maya Bunny.

2009-04-14T07:57:00.000-05:00

Grandpa bunny.

2009-04-14T07:56:00.000-05:00

Yikes!

2009-04-14T07:55:00.000-05:00

What did the Easter bunny bring?

2009-04-14T07:54:00.000-05:00

Good morning!

2009-04-14T07:53:00.002-05:00

Twins learning a new song.

2009-04-14T07:51:00.000-05:00

Easter eggs...

2009-04-14T07:50:00.000-05:00

Easter

2009-04-14T07:31:00.002-05:00

This past Sunday, Easter, was one of those great days I cherish. Early morning Easter egg hunt at 921 with the kids cooperating and letting the little kids find the easy eggs. The world famous Eggs Goldenrod made and eaten (and the annual call from son Chris on how to make the world famous Eggs Goldenrod.) All of us getting to church in time for one of the most amazing Easter services Willow has ever done...sweet.

Our Easter feast was hosted by son and daughter-in-law Chris and Christa and it was fabulous. Pete's folks were there and feeling the love. Their health has been so shaky lately; it was great to have them there enjoying their kids, grandkids and great grandkids. We celebrated Pete's birthday, too, and that was cool, too. Granddaughter Izzy arrived just in time.

Dessert was followed by Guitar Hero, a new family tradition. I love the way different family members show a whole new side when they get behind a guitar or microphone. Hilarious.

Holidays always bring me back to thinking about Laurie in a more intense way. At one point I slipped away from the festivities, and wouldn't you know it? I can hear a cardinal singing. It didn't take long before I spotted him high in a tree. I am reminded that God is near in all situations and He knows my heart. The worries and sadness can still be given to Him and He will bear it for me. He made that sacrifice long ago for me...resurrection, new life, Easter.

AMERICAN FOUNDATION FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION

2009-04-03T09:08:00.000-05:00

AMERICAN FOUNDATION FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION

The cutest sign of spring. Two of my favorite "cardinals".

2009-03-30T08:00:00.001-05:00

March 29th, snow bunny.

2009-03-30T07:57:00.000-05:00

"Planting" my silk daffodils...

2009-03-30T07:56:00.000-05:00

The twins first car!

2009-03-30T07:55:00.002-05:00

Go, Rylan!

2009-03-30T07:55:00.001-05:00

Wheeee!

2009-03-30T07:54:00.000-05:00

Spring is in the air?

2009-03-30T07:46:00.002-05:00

For two weeks now I have been babying a flat of beautiful purple (Go NU!) pansies. Bringing them out into the sun when the weather is predicted to be warm, scurrying the flat back into the garage on cold nights. I water when necessary and in general smile every time I pass them in the garage. But come on, now; will I ever get to actually plant them?

We confiscated a cute Cozy Coupe and a little motorized motorcycle from someone's garbage pile two Tuesdays ago. (Thank you, Pete, for always being on the lookout.) I vaguely remember the warm afternoon we could enjoy the 2 year old twins as they enjoyed the latest addition to grandma and grandpa's fun backyard. Our backyard could double for a preschool!

And so I wait for warm weather. I am starting to walk in preparation for the Overnight and actually got my first donation without making the ask yet. How cool is that?

Come on, Spring...

The Overnight 2009

2009-03-22T15:13:00.002-05:00

This weekend I signed up for the 20 mile AFSP Overnight Walk. I've done the walk in 2005 and 2006 and several 5K community walks since Laurie's death. My best guesstimate is that we have raised in excess of $50K as part of Laurie's Legacy Teams. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention does terrific work in educating and I am committed to continuing to do what I can to prevent others from making a terrible choice.

Just this week, I received two messages asking for resources, guidance in helping two families who's life trajectories just altered due to suicide of a loved one.

On the sweet side, I also received a wonderful comment left about Laurie on my blog, "How amazing when God shows up!" . Adam, a former neighbor, shared some personal and moving testimony. I am blessed with moments like that.

May this week be filled with blessings. Each day is a treasure.

Happy St. Patrick's day!

2009-03-22T15:11:00.000-05:00

And this is only some of the jeans donated!

2009-03-08T22:53:00.000-05:00

2009-03-08T22:45:00.002-05:00

I am so glad for all the awesome friends who really took to heart my request for blue jeans to donate for "Stuff for the Poor". Grief Support and Community Care at Willow sponsored this terrific serving opportunity and I sent out an email request and posted here.

I wanted to have this project be a way to honor Laurie and her heart for the poor. I think it did just that! Thank you, my friends. And thank you for being there along the way no matter what...

2009-03-02T22:36:00.000-06:00

How amazing when God shows up!

2009-02-28T14:31:00.002-06:00

From mid week, I know I have been feeling stressed. This time of year represents too much sadness for our family. The stress built even more yesterday when a dear one gave me the cell phone and I listened to a tirade of angry, vulgar language beyond what anyone should ever have to hear. Fear for what this person threatened was almost paralyzing...how to not build more walls, how to be a peace maker, how to know that there is protection for all involved. Prayers shot to heaven and back...

And then today. The amazing perfect timing of God. Izzy and I dawdled a bit in Target before bringing her back to Northwestern after her quick overnight visit to 921. I hugged her good by outside her dorm and began the trip back home, no anticipation of anything noteworthy. With Izzy around, I find myself sharing bits of family history that I know the journalist in her, does not miss and will carry. Maybe because I had just talked about some odd number facts about our family, 20, 30, 40 years ago that I was thinking historically, not really paying attention to where I was driving, just following the Garmin directions, I found myself at a very significant intersection.

Although the traffic light was green, traffic was being held up somewhere ahead and I had to stay exactly where I was. Looking around I realized this was the exact intersection where 24 years ago on June 7th at around 2:00 AM, the friendly policemen who had stopped our speeding car helped me into an ambulance. Off we sped to Evanston hospital where I gave birth to Laurie in just seven minutes after entering the hospital doors. As I smiled about those events, sipping a Starbucks iced coffee, something I never buy but Izzy and I had an impulse to buy the discounted 4 packs, a black Jeep goes through the intersection. What!!??? Starbucks, a black Jeep, the place where Laurie was pushing herself out of me??!! God, you are sooo awesome to give me this potent reminder of her! And then the radio. What song starts up? "I Can Only Imagine" The one song we both loved so much reminding us about the glory heaven holds!

The traffic finally starts to move and by now I am crying happy tears. But God wants to make sure I get this love fest He created for me. The next song is "There Will Be a Day" reminding me that sometime there will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, no more hurt, just hang on. And in a short distance of .8 of a mile (Garmin info.) a string of 6 black Jeeps are interspersed amid the oncoming vehicles. Since Laurie's death, black Jeeps are my little reminders of how much she loved us and we loved her. And one more song as I pull onto the expressway, "The Voice of Truth" as a red Jeep pulls up along side of my car. (Note to my Red Jeep blog friends I have never met but love.) The rest of my ride home I spied easily 15 more black Jeeps, not dark blue, not dark green, black ones. It was a ride to remember and cherish. I have used a little trick this past winter to remind me of God's love for me. (Encouraged by my counselor to sometimes rest in God's love.) When I have my fabulous carseat heater turned on, I imagine that I am sitting on God's lap and He is comforting me. I was so comforted!

How amazing when God shows up!

If you want to contribute...

2009-02-25T21:56:00.000-06:00

Four Years. Am I over it?

2009-02-25T21:51:00.001-06:00

Of course, I'm not. Can a mom ever get over losing a child? After being small group leader for six sessions as a Child Loss leader for Grief Support, I clearly know, the answer is "No". I can get through it but never over it. I will always miss the unbelievable laugh, that sweet smile, those wonderful hugs, those thoughtful questions. No, I won't get over Laurie's death. I will get through it.

Two pregnant mommies, 1978

2009-02-09T23:03:00.000-06:00

My Katie and Margie's Ben 1979

2009-02-09T23:02:00.001-06:00

Paul and Ben all grown up, 2007 visit.

2009-02-09T23:01:00.000-06:00

Colorado visit 1978

2009-02-09T22:57:00.000-06:00

1984 Margie, baby Laurie and me.

2009-02-09T22:53:00.000-06:00

Colorado, Aug. 2007 Marge and me with real men!

2009-02-09T22:51:00.001-06:00

Last Thursday, Margie and me..

2009-02-09T22:49:00.000-06:00

A new month begins.

2009-02-05T07:47:00.002-06:00

After a January I am glad to put behind me, I am looking forward to breathing in deeply, embracing the reality that I cannot control everything and enjoying the moment more.

Tonight I will be having dinner with one of my dearest friends, Margie. She and I have known each other since seventh grade and even further back from there, our parents used to double date long before we were born! Back in the seventies when Margie and her husband moved to Colorado and we had a big going away party for them, I knew this would not be the end of our friendship. We always stayed in touch and took trips out to Colorado many times. Recently I dug out pictures to give to Margie. Great memories from a much lighter time. I think what I have been thinking about alot lately is that I did not truly appreciate how relatively uncluttered our lives were back then. How simple!

And then the hard stuff for each of us. As a newly single mom, Margie and her family invited me to come out for a visit and I did with 6 week old Laurie in tow. A year later Margie found herself going through a divorce. How could this be? We were both so in love with our husbands and they were such stand-up guys. But it did happen and we supported each other via calls and letters and more visits. Both of us eventually remarried to REALLY wonderful men who took us on along with our kids, seven in all. Now those are real men.

Through the years even when we haven't talked for awhile, we pick up right where we left off. I can never forget speaking to Margie as we drove home from the medical examiners where my kids had just positiviely identified Laurie's body. I sobbed that we had just left the site at Lake Michigan where Laurie had taken her own life, still not really believing it. And during that conversation, black Jeep just like Laurie's, drove past us. As I choked out what I was seeing, somehow we decided that was Laurie's little signal that she truly was okay now, safe in Jesus' arms.

And the most important part of my relationship with Margie is that she is the one who first told us about her accepting Jesus as her saviour and the importance of each of us seeking and accepting His free gift of eternal life. That discussion around a campfire up in the Rockies back in the early 70's ultimately led me to my own decision. I am forever thankful for her prayers to get me into the kingdom. Where would I be without Him? I don't even want to imagine. Life would have been too hard, impossible, in fact!

So my dinner tonight will be filled with memories, laughs and love. How blessed am I?

Skater boy...

2009-02-05T07:46:00.000-06:00

Crab man?

2009-02-05T07:45:00.000-06:00

Monkey pjs rule!

2009-02-05T07:44:00.000-06:00

Pajama party!

2009-02-05T07:43:00.000-06:00

I love Grandma's bracelets!

2009-02-05T07:42:00.000-06:00

Laundry boy.

2009-02-05T07:40:00.000-06:00

A quick hug before Cheryl flies back to Malaysia.

2009-02-05T07:33:00.001-06:00

Why I love Christmas...

2009-01-21T08:34:00.003-06:00

The pictures below show the over the top way we decorate at our house for Christmas. When Pete and I first were talking about getting married twenty some years ago, I remember telling him that I love Christmas decorations and have lots of them. Could he live with that? He said yes, I said yes and the rest is history.

54+ tubs of decorations have to be moved from the attic. This portion of the decorating program has gotten so much easier since the installation this past summer of the pull down stairs in the garage. (Thank you Pete and Chris!) Then the decorating begins. In two days or so the house turns into this cool Christmasy cottage and I love it. We had four or five different gatherings of friends here this year including one with many of our Jewish neighbors. I love hearing oohs and aahs and laughs about what is displayed. But what I love most is the fact that God sent his Son in the form of a little precious baby to bring us all to Him. Yes, I know snowmen and Santas don't really have anything to do with Jesus' birth but in my little brain, every bit of decoration is a thank you to Him.

And this new year has had a rocky start. Those decorations gave me comfort as I prayed through many nights. And the taking down of the decorations? It was a work-celebration of love as some of my dearest friends who came over and helped us put everything away in one Saturday morning! I love these women and their unwavering hearts. And so this new year is starting at a low point but is moving upward. All the thanks goes to Him...And that is why I love Christmas!

2009-01-21T08:25:00.012-06:00

Peace that surpasses all understanding...

2009-01-09T23:57:00.003-06:00

I have been away from my blog since Christmas. Facebook fills a gap, but more for information and checking in than anything else.

These last 10 days have been hard ones, really hard ones. In many ways I should be in a state of utter dejection, worry and chaos. But the God of compassion and love has continued to show the way. For no other reason than God, I have a sense of peace... one that truly surpasses my human understanding. I ask for prayer, prayer for this family and many others who are in hard times right now. I am praying for your peace, too.

Merry Christmas to all...

2008-12-25T23:15:00.000-06:00

Aunt Gail from Colorado hugs Christmas dancer Kristin

2008-12-25T23:13:00.000-06:00

What is better than having a grandpa that is Santa's "helper"?

2008-12-25T23:12:00.000-06:00

Christmas at Willow...

2008-12-25T22:57:00.000-06:00

Wishing the real Brooke was here...

2008-12-08T23:21:00.000-06:00

Flat Brooklyn inspects another gingerbread house.

2008-12-08T23:20:00.000-06:00

Construction zone.

2008-12-08T23:19:00.000-06:00

Gingerbread House Central 2008.

2008-12-08T23:18:00.000-06:00

Coed Elf Izzy.

2008-12-08T23:17:00.001-06:00

Cute Elf Kristin.

2008-12-08T23:16:00.001-06:00

Mighty Elf Sean.

2008-12-08T23:15:00.000-06:00

Maya and Flat Brooklyn work on a gingerbread house

2008-12-08T23:11:00.001-06:00

That beautiful cardinal puzzle...a gift I'll never forget.

2008-12-08T23:08:00.000-06:00

Recycled : Gifts

2008-12-08T22:59:00.002-06:00

Tonight as I finished baking some cookies, I started thinking about starting our Christmas cards. In the notes and photos from Christmas cards past, I found the Christmas letter I enclosed in our cards in 2006. It was taken from this blog two years ago. I liked what I was reminded of and have decided to recycle those words. Here they are:

It can be overwhelming to take in all the craziness of "gift giving" at Christmas. This year we seem to have been able to take a step back and slow down the present machine. Trying to focus on memories has helped me channel my energies. Yesterday I took Denver, Maya and Isaiah with me to the Christmas Sonlight celebration. The pictures show they are fitting in with these new friends and I am loving it. At a three year old level, however, in the gift realm, all the African kids getting a beautiful new book (a great donation from one family) Isaiah lost it. Taroh, our faithful leader, saw his tears and found extra books for all three. A great gift.

In the afternoon, more memories, building gingerbread houses and playing in the snow with five of the grandkids. Not too sure if Christa and Katie will have such fond memories of begging their kids not to eat the candy and put it on the houses instead; but it was still fun in a hectic, frazzled way. An early morning visit from my nephew bearing bagels and cream cheese was a great gift...his visit, not as much the bagels.

And then last night, the kids in bed and me reading them a story from one of the new books, our doorbell rings. The stranger bearing a small red satin covered box, explains he is a former studio band member friend of Greg's from Willow. He was at Laurie's funeral and remembered my cardinal story. For whatever reason, that day he decided to make and present us with the most intricate wooden puzzle, of a cardinal, that he had made himself. What a gift! It reminded me of a beautiful wooden cardinal wreath my sister had sent and the story of the polio stricken man who makes his living now making this creations. Gifts of ourselves, making something out of a tough situation, "paying it forward" in unique ways. Taking a bunch of pieces that don't make sense, and turning it into a gift. Now that's cool.

I am thankful...

2008-11-27T12:43:00.000-06:00

2008-11-27T12:41:00.000-06:00

2008-11-27T12:40:00.000-06:00

2008-11-27T12:39:00.000-06:00

2008-11-27T12:32:00.000-06:00

2008-11-27T12:28:00.001-06:00

2008-11-27T12:27:00.000-06:00